| Blogs > starwomyn > un·a·pol·o·get·ically STAR!!! |
|
Throw Back Thursday - Drama & Death In The Family It seems like in my family there is always drama when there is a death in the family. There is blame, fighting over "things" and arguments. My mother would always end up in the booby hatch. She couldn't handle death at all. I am sure that is why she stepped to the other side so quickly. She didn't need time to think about it. I was in Nevada in 2006 when I got a message from my niece that my oldest brother was seriously ill and last rites had been done. I rode the Greyhound from Nevada to Arkansas. By the time that I made it to Arkansas, my brother came out of the coma and was coherent. My siblings believe that he would recover but he did not. He lapsed back into the coma a few days after I arrived. I have worked in health care and know that denying or sugarcoating the inevitable does not help the patient. My sister was offended and started cussing me on the other side of my brother's death bed. She didn't like the term "crossing over" and was not comfortable with my spiritual beliefs Soon we were screaming at each other across my brother's hospital bed. Dear Sis: I thank you for the hospitality that you show me when I was in Arkansas. I am sure that you are aware that I have been involved with a 12 Step Program for a number of years. One of the things we learn is taking responsibility for our own mistakes. We were all trying to deal with our Brother's Death to the best of our ability. My best was dealing with it in spiritual terms and be assured that he would okay with the transition that we all must eventually make. I don't know what your agenda was for saying what you said but my mistake was feeling hurt and reacting to it. For that I apologize. I was told that you were offended by the term "crossing over." This is a Native American Term. I have been a member of the Native American Community for a number of years. I have participated in Sweat Lodge Ceremonies, gone to Pow Wow's and other Native American Gathering. I am personally more comfortable using that term than some of the other phases. Certainly, the term "Crossing Over" is no more offensive than "Dang Bro, Am I going to have to use that Dr. Pepper bottle to hold your cremated remains!." I would be horrified if someone said that to me when I was on my deathbed. I also heard stories of rumors being circulated in the family that I am a Crazed Satanist, doing strange rituals and putting spells on people. This is totally untrue. I don't even believe in Satan. I do believe in Good and Evil but we are all God's . Most folks are evolving in the direction of Good. I am certainly not the first person to have problems with the "Hell Fire Damnation" Concept of God. Nevertheless, My Spirituality is something that I take VERY seriously. I would have never been able to maintain almost 30 years of sobriety if I did not have a working relationship with my Higher Power. So I think outside the box when it comes to God. I don't need some preacher on the pulpit to define God for me. No one religion has an excursive on God. What is important is to seek God, The path we use to find him is secondary. Nevertheless, the horror stories circulating about me have absolutely no validity. Step Eight and Nine have to do with clearing out negative energy and airing grievances respectfully. This is what I am attempting to do. You are quite correct in stating that I don't have a clue about your life. You don't have a clue about my life either. Our lives have evolved to the yearly Christmas Card exchange. Namaste! Sis   Abracadabra  |
|||
|
I remember telling MrsJoe that all I could do is pray for my brother. She reminded me that pray is a lot. Abracadabra
| ||
|
No wonder you drank, growing up in a family like that.......I had a very close friend who was very passionate about AA.....She died 6 years ago. When she was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer, she told me not to come and visit her when she was bed-bound. I obeyed her wishes, then she phoned me and screamed at me, accusing me of betraying her and being a bad friend......That was her way.....She sponsored a lot of people over the 20 years I knew her. We met at a beach party 30 years ago and after spending 4 hours in the same vicinity, she told me..." You know, you'd be a lot better off if you didn't put so much energy into trying to be different".........I was gob-smacked and avoided her. Alas, we had many friends in common and so one Winter day, I found myself in a hot-tub on the beach of a resort with her and 8 other women, singing rounds.....I taught them a Norwegian round about Sun ........and we harmonized so beautifully.....that's always a great connection.......Anyways, later, in the Sauna, I told her that what she perceived as me trying to be "different" was actually my best attempt at being "Normal"........... She was very involved with AA and so was her husband.....Their marriage vows included a promise to always love God more than each other......He was First Nations and a Pipe Keeper....They had a huge sweat lodge on their property and I was often the fire-person for their AA sweats......I tried staying in the lodge with them, but the prayers went on and on about details of people's personal lives and I couldn't sit still.........Anyways, you often remind me of that old friend and her passionate dedication to AA, to healing herself and others.....The community memorial for her was packed and only one of several throughout the AA Community......
| ||
|
No wonder you drank, growing up in a family like that.......I had a very close friend who was very passionate about AA.....She died 6 years ago. When she was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer, she told me not to come and visit her when she was bed-bound. I obeyed her wishes, then she phoned me and screamed at me, accusing me of betraying her and being a bad friend......That was her way.....She sponsored a lot of people over the 20 years I knew her. We met at a beach party 30 years ago and after spending 4 hours in the same vicinity, she told me..." You know, you'd be a lot better off if you didn't put so much energy into trying to be different".........I was gob-smacked and avoided her. Alas, we had many friends in common and so one Winter day, I found myself in a hot-tub on the beach of a resort with her and 8 other women, singing rounds.....I taught them a Norwegian round about Sun ........and we harmonized so beautifully.....that's always a great connection.......Anyways, later, in the Sauna, I told her that what she perceived as me trying to be "different" was actually my best attempt at being "Normal"........... She was very involved with AA and so was her husband.....Their marriage vows included a promise to always love God more than each other......He was First Nations and a Pipe Keeper....They had a huge sweat lodge on their property and I was often the fire-person for their AA sweats......I tried staying in the lodge with them, but the prayers went on and on about details of people's personal lives and I couldn't sit still.........Anyways, you often remind me of that old friend and her passionate dedication to AA, to healing herself and others.....The community memorial for her was packed and only one of several throughout the AA Community...... I have participated in sweat lodges (not A.A. related) and my husband would not go into the lodge while I did. He was much happier being the fire-keeper. He grew up Catholic and hated it. He was delighted when I started exploring other spiritual paths. He said that I helped open up his world. One year, we went to a 12 Step Convention together. He was directed to the A.A. meetings while I was directed to the Ala-Non meetings. We had a good laugh about that. We sat in the Ala-Non meetings for a while and went to listen to the A.A. meeting. He said that he liked the drunks better. My sister told other family member that I do things for shock value. Nope. I do things because I am "different." I gave up trying to be normal long ago. It's not happening but long as I don't break laws or troll the SFF Blogs, I am not worrying about it. Abracadabra
| ||
|
Interesting exchange. I've also been long accused of being "different" and shudder to think of some of the rumors/interpretations that filtered back. I suspect that both weddings and deaths can bring out the worst in families.
| ||
7/1/2021 4:58 am |
I am not sure if I understand all of what you said correctly but if you were mentioning ( crossing over ) or ( passing away ) or anything else to that effect in the room while anyone is in a coma it would be monumentally inappropriate. I understand those in a coma can hear what is being said. If a person in a coma heard talk of his or her dying it could have an effect on his or her will to live. Anyway---to each his or her own. Party on!
| ||
|
Having attended many deaths, I can attest to the fact that it can bring out the worst in people, but also the best. It really just amplifies the the love or the problems that are already there. I have removed people from the room when tensions reached a explosive exchange. I had the authority to eject them from the building or call the police if necessary, but I don't recall that ever being necessary. I imagine the mortician and any lawyers later involved had a rough time with a few of them. I remember that time with your brother. It was at that point that our tumultuous relationship began to shift towards a more amiable one, and I am very thankful that it did.  Be a prism, spreading God's light and love, not a mirror reflecting the world's hatred.
| ||
|
I am not sure if I understand all of what you said correctly but if you were mentioning ( crossing over ) or ( passing away ) or anything else to that effect in the room while anyone is in a coma it would be monumentally inappropriate. I understand those in a coma can hear what is being said. If a person in a coma heard talk of his or her dying it could have an effect on his or her will to live. Anyway---to each his or her own. Party on! Abracadabra
| ||
7/1/2021 1:54 pm |
Star I agree.
| ||
|
There are those who love drama, and death can bring out the worst in them. Goodness knows It's difficult enough to cope with a death in the family without someone bickering and arguing, sometimes over something stupid and silly.
|
×
×