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The Pain of Love I wrote a response to looklook.. about love.. and it allowed me to remember the things I wrote about it.. How I feel about...How the Pain of Love.. A loss denies love...A selfish justification for not giving it.. I did it, and I'm doing it.. So I know.. My poems are my wish.. it could be different. LOVE ISLAND The mermaid slips back to the sea Now in hiding, from the sailor in me But there she'll ponder how love goes life is only what she knows Lost upon the mermaid's island The sailor seeks the safe highland and there he'll ponder how love goes life is only what he knows Love, it may come and go As in life, God has made it so Each measure of joy, not meaning much But simply defined through those you touch For in seeking the highland, or the sea It matters not, where love can be If your life touches another heart Then your love can leave.. But not depart ********* To know about love doesn't require heartbreaks Discovering mistakes of love doesn't define, what it takes ********* Love is not a raging fire 's required to be fueled Love is not a burning desire A feeling can be fooled Love is not the measure of what's gotten in return Love is not a buried treasure It's map can not be learned Love is but a private feat nobody can own It hears the sound of heartbeats says... you're not alone. |
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So I go down the "rabbit hole".. in search of the truth about love.. I haven't quite found my way home yet.... The Rabbit Hole It seems. I fall down that White Rabbit's hole. If I choose to lose happiness, the truer goal An tell myself it doesn't matter Until I'm greeted by the Mad Hatter, Then the Cheshire Cat smiles at me. and directs me to a place ...I don't want to be Then I'm forced to confront the hidden parts To prepare myself for the Queen of Hearts . It's a hard pill to swallow.... The meaning of becoming too tall Or just another way of becoming too small And the truer meaning of being too old Stops the journey, and puts you on hold. So through the looking glass, I roam Until happiness finds me So I can find my way home.
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The idea that you can lose love.. it can be taken from you...that there are conditions for unconditional love.. That the Pain of Love...is something.. other than YOUR loss.. Stolen Love He robbed her of her undying love And never thought to give it back He left her with a tear in her eye As he headed down the railroad track She thinks about him, now and then The stolen promises and the lost days Would she ever want to do it again And lose her way through love's maze ****** The truth about what is love driven Can never leave a heart forsaken As the truth of what is freely given Can not be robbed, nor ever taken
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Beautiful words.....
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Beautiful words..... For me.. that makes it worse than for others.. When my true failure Is recognizing it.. and not being able to do anything about it. I keep repeating it.. But I do have poems to remind me..
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Beautiful Jiminy............
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The bacon in Johnson County is pretty expensive.. I'm on a Love budget~LOL I hear there's a "rash" of bacon in Iowa... and a lot is bacon at FarmersOnly.Com. "Teneder-loins in Des Moines"...or maybe Sioux City Sue.. I think Steve King .. wrote a book.. about Sioux City Sue called "The Stand".. subtitled.. "How to Lick your fingers after eating a "pork chop, avoiding "sloppy seconds". I guess my love life in the Midwest is not meant to be.. Maybe I should leave the "Animal Farms" and move to a "Land of Enchantment".. Give up my blow up doll and find a ""ka ka..Kachina" ..without the gazoom tights.. By Jiminy....when I rub my legs together I want it make some noise... LOL 
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True Jiminy. love does not depart but it does not also replace the lost one!
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6/5/2019 7:36 am |
Keep on falling in love until you get it right. And if you do not audition all of them you will never know if you found the right one! LOL Party On!
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True Jiminy. love does not depart but it does not also replace the lost one! It's evasive to find....if you look for it. but easy to lose if you "find" it. The idea that..... There is only "one" sky...and it must be blue Or there is only "one' heart that can be true There is only one way to stay a smile Yet many frowns that will stay awhile Only one Love .. So it can be lost Only one Love... So YOU pay the cost Different is the same... when you look around but only see differences .. in a "lost and found" And when all your looking is done the "lost and found"... Will NEVER have the right one And yes.. we WANT to "get" what we give but "getting" is not the right way to live You lose it outside... that's what is true but finding it ....is only inside of YOU..
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Keep on falling in love until you get it right. And if you do not audition all of them you will never know if you found the right one! LOL Party On! "I was lookin' for love in all the wrong places Lookin' for love in too many faces Searchin' their eyes, lookin' for traces Of what I'm dreamin' of" Well dreams change and Now My dream is a "Hallmark Movie" ending We search for love with wasted kisses. Like love is about the "Hit's and Misses" And the best "laid" plans of mice and men will "get" some love... Now and then Now it seems what love is about Is not the hit's, but striking out MY dream of a kiss, a homerun's fate That doesn't get me to first base[ but occurs at homeplate
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Mind Dance My mind dances, to a magic tune As it wanders, over hills of “could be” A rhythm of moonbeams, on a silver spoon That echoes across an open sea Oh! to dream, a chosen reality Of that which may, or may not be Like Unicorns dancing in a valley Or Mermaids in a deep blue sea She is a cloud, a billowing sail The catches the breathe to see my plight Too far away to grasp, and then dissipates when “reigned” upon and held too tight She is so near..... In the sound of tumbling waves, a songbird's melody In a sea of morning air, or the breeze upon my face In a held breathe, The moment that sustains me In corners of the mind, my heart's hiding place. The music has begun But the dance will not start Void of the “golden band” Melodies from the strings of my heart
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In my 40s I had a long-distance lover for a while.......I wanted to keep my sex-life out of my children's home......When they were with their dad, I would go stay with my lover who lived 300 miles away. The sex was good and the relationship was working for me, but my god, the man had no sense of humor at all..... He had gone back to university to finish a degree he had abandoned 20 years before. One day I came across his car in the college parking lot. I knew he was in the library studying, so I thought to leave him a sexy message, like lovers do......I re-applied my lipstick, kissed a post-it and wrote "from a secret admirer" on it and posted it on his windshield. I was on my way to meet a friend for dinner and didn't get back to his place until 11pm. ......He was sitting in his computer chair staring at my post-t note, which he had stuck on the wall above his computer. He was staring at it with such a far-away look in his eyes.......and I asked him. teasingly, who the note was from........now, he knew I was going to be at the college that afternoon....But he was sure that the note was from one of the pretty 19 year old girls in his classes........He had narrowed it down to 3 and was busy trying to recall some hint of their admiration .........I suggested it might be a boy, or even a professor........this made him angry and he went off into this whole story about a fantasy woman that came to him in his dreams and reveries ....a perfect woman. a young, beautiful creature who was the love of his life......He knew they were meant for each other. He thought they might never meet in this life, and he didn't know where she was, but one thing for certain was that she wasn't me. Before I left for home the next day I told him that I had left the note on his car. He was livid......How could I have humiliated him like that......I told him that I had assumed he would know the note was from me.....my lipstick, my lips, my handwriting......I had parked in the same lot........He was sure I had deliberately tricked him........I never went back and he kept e-mailing me asking why.....
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In my 40s I had a long-distance lover for a while.......I wanted to keep my sex-life out of my children's home......When they were with their dad, I would go stay with my lover who lived 300 miles away. The sex was good and the relationship was working for me, but my god, the man had no sense of humor at all..... He had gone back to university to finish a degree he had abandoned 20 years before. One day I came across his car in the college parking lot. I knew he was in the library studying, so I thought to leave him a sexy message, like lovers do......I re-applied my lipstick, kissed a post-it and wrote "from a secret admirer" on it and posted it on his windshield. I was on my way to meet a friend for dinner and didn't get back to his place until 11pm. ......He was sitting in his computer chair staring at my post-t note, which he had stuck on the wall above his computer. He was staring at it with such a far-away look in his eyes.......and I asked him. teasingly, who the note was from........now, he knew I was going to be at the college that afternoon....But he was sure that the note was from one of the pretty 19 year old girls in his classes........He had narrowed it down to 3 and was busy trying to recall some hint of their admiration .........I suggested it might be a boy, or even a professor........this made him angry and he went off into this whole story about a fantasy woman that came to him in his dreams and reveries ....a perfect woman. a young, beautiful creature who was the love of his life......He knew they were meant for each other. He thought they might never meet in this life, and he didn't know where she was, but one thing for certain was that she wasn't me. Before I left for home the next day I told him that I had left the note on his car. He was livid......How could I have humiliated him like that......I told him that I had assumed he would know the note was from me.....my lipstick, my lips, my handwriting......I had parked in the same lot........He was sure I had deliberately tricked him........I never went back and he kept e-mailing me asking why..... But I'm not sure I can call it his truth..But I do understand possibilities.. The possibility.. you knew him well enough to make that joke.. Or you didn't know him well enough, and was testing him.. The moment you teased him about who the note was from... It was no longer a joke.. Without knowing.. if you knew him well enough.. it gets pretty complicated.... One of my ideas about love.. is a developed big picture, overwhelms the specifics.. and when the specifics begin to overwhelm the "big picture"... it's the beginning of the end.... This event shouldn't have told you anything..you didn't already know.. You were testing him about his feelings towards You.. And you didn't get the right answer... He, on the other hand, COULD have taken it as an affront.. that you felt the need to test him.. The moment you wrote the note....didn't indicate it was from you.. and didn't fess up immediately.. you weren't looking for his reaction to a "joke".. you were looking for an out......Because deep down inside... You already knew what his reaction was going to be.
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Although men are pretty simple minded about Love..They are very complicated about how they express it. FOR ME, an example would be how a women.. tries to get a man to say I love you.. For me .. it puts me in a No win situation..... I don't want to feel forced to do something.. I even know is TRUE.. For me.. I don't want to express my feelings .. that , to me, gives up total control.. Some men will say it... thinking saying it... gives them control. For me..It's always been saying it..to give UP control.. So whether men says it, because they want you to believe it.. or says it... so he knows he means it....It gets very complicated for a man..especially , when either way.. it's bitten you in the ass... It's one of the things, I have NOT worked out in my own mind yet...Maybe because it just impossible FOR ME to understand.
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I shared that story as an example of how lovers can be at cross-purposes by not allowing themselves to be vulnerable to the other person......I know now that developing trust in a relationship requires deliberate, conscious effort.....an agreement to prioritise trust-building ..........and probably some education to learn how to do it........a good start is to learn to name feelings.....to co-ordinate feelings with words.....
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I shared that story as an example of how lovers can be at cross-purposes by not allowing themselves to be vulnerable to the other person......I know now that developing trust in a relationship requires deliberate, conscious effort.....an agreement to prioritise trust-building ..........and probably some education to learn how to do it........a good start is to learn to name feelings.....to co-ordinate feelings with words..... Love can be relatively equal between two people....But the idea of vulnerability is NEVER equal. In your story vulnerability and not love was issue...Your love and your vulnerability work to cross purposes... Your love may not be selfish but your vulnerability is...WE think of ourselves first...Your story never considered HIS vulnerabilit y The other person vulnerability to you.. doesn't enter the picture...in fact just the the opposite... How can you justify being vulnerable to someone.. who's vulnerable to you. How do you get anything done? The one that gives in, or the one that gets their way. determines the vulnerability. It's NEVER equal.. And if there comes time you try to change it...you might as well blow it all up. And the nature of being human,, that some people use your vulnerability against you. Scares the crap out of people...Not because it's not True... because it is true. So we Protect ourselves FIRST.. and LOVE pays the price. So For me, I want to be in Love.. i want that feeling.. So what prevents it? My vulnerability.... I don't want to give another Human being that much POWER over me. So I hold it back And i don't tell women.. I love YOU..even if i do.. yes it's a lack of trust.....but the rub is.. I don't trust myself..
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Yes, his vulnerability does enter the picture......in the form of his defensive measure. His vulnerability is what triggers him to remind me that his love and fealty is to an imaginary woman who may or may not manifest, but that is the love of his life and causes him to hold back from me and to fantasise about her rather than encounter the real woman before him......when he feels vulnerable he brings up the phantom lover who is all things that I am not........a creature of perfection that I have no hope of ever replacing........
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I don't know how his vulnerability manifests in him as feelings, as thoughts, I don't know his inner defenses, I don't know because he doesn't share.....and he doesn't know how i feel, because my response is to hide behind a joke when he doesn't respond to my love-note......That's what I mean.....There needs to be honest discussion.....If we both just respond automatically, we will probably go on the offensive and hurl painful darts and then duck behind our camouflage.........our defenses.......A fantasy lover is so much safer. , ..
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Exactly..... Love it seems has a bunch hurdles to get over.... And people don't like hurdles..So we blame the "other' for putting them up.. But here's the irony and the truth.. Not in every relationship, just potential love relationships Love knocks the hurdles down... without Love....It's NOT the "Other" that's puts up the hurdles.. We put them up ourselves. It's like a test.. We put them up... to see if our love can knock them down..the other person, has very little to do with it...Trusting the 'Other" person has very little to Do with it.. Although we do that subconsciously.. Consciously we use it...I know men do.. they use the hurdles..not to stop their race, that they already quit running..... but to stop the race the Other person's running.. they used the hurdles to try and convince the other person.... that they stopped the race.. when they know it's a lie. So although we can claim we are testing the other person......It's really about Like I said.. It's not if.. I trust the other person....It's about if.. I trust myself.
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