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Why Are Old Folks Mean and Ornery? Responding to Masie’s blog this serotype of older people came to mind. All we have to do is look to SFF to see examples. I see it in my own family and friends as well. My stepmother is so angry no one wants to visit her anymore and that makes her angrier. My BFF complains about everything she doesn’t like, publicly and loudly. An older neighbor who was never a cheerful person now complains loudly to anyone in earshot “This is what I worked all of my life for? I just want to die and get it over with.” What makes us more inclined to be ornery and angry when we are older? I have no personal reference here. To my family and long term friends I may give the appearance of having mellowed with age. That is not really true. I never liked to have to be aggressive, argue (or engage in spirited debate as some call it”) or incite others. I do get angry but it takes a lot and has to be something really important to get me there. Now that I don’t have the pressures of conformity from work and family demands for specific responses and behaviors I am free to avoid anger provoking situations. I probably appear happier because I am, mostly because my time is now all my own to support the endeavors I believe in, pursue my spirituality and creativity, and spend my time and energy on family and loved ones. I have far more control over my environment. It’s much easier to ovoid things I find unpleasant. Some of my thoughts on the reasons for getting old and ornery. Physical pain. When you hurt enough it’s hard to be cheerful. All species retreat and growl when hurting. Loss of physical autonomy and mobility. It has to be difficult to be cheerful when you are unable to get out and do anything. Economic limitations we never experienced before. Loss of family and loved ones. For those who identified with their occupations or specific roles in life, loss of identity. Less or no concern about what others think of us. In the case of my stepmother and friend they always had the angry negative thoughts but used more discretion expressing them. With work and social obligations behind us many no longer feel the need for self-control. Disappointment and anger because our lives did not turn out the way we wanted them to, we neglected to achieve a goal or goals, old hurts etc. The realization that we are at the end of life, that the game is almost over with no opportunity for a "do over". This must particularly difficult for those without a belief system of life philosophy of some sort. Perhaps it came be summed up by something I was taught when doing a geriatric field placement. “Basic personality doesn’t change. People age as they have lived. They just become more intense” Anyone have some additional ideas? Spiritwoman ^i^ |
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Interesting!! ...and very true of many older folks...sighhhh. Me... I'm too busy to sit around complaining.
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I am one of those older folks who have mellowed with the years, Spirit. I have in the past been guilty of displaying anger, but nowadays I'm just too happy for cross words and am one of the nicest people you will ever meet. If we ever do get to meet, you will realize that.. Alfie...
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What a wonderful blog. A friend my age told me the other day to not mess with old folks because they don't like being old to start with. Now, at my age; I desire to give a smile, always be positive and express the love in my life that I have for others in my past who have enriched my life as well as those who continue to do so in the future. . The beginning of life, conception..
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Physical pain. When you hurt enough it’s hard to be cheerful. All species retreat and growl when hurting. Difficult but possible, Spirit. I's my case. Nobody has seen me angry, or less ornery. I worked to assume the situation, of course, with the help of God. I am aware of my age and limitations.  Trust in dreams, for in them is hidden the gate to eternity.(Khalil Gibran)
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I believe this is a very well thought out post - I also believe that you have covered all possible reasons for old age frustrations that we witness manifest themselves as anger at others or just inside our own selves. Release and relief can come from a bit of spirituality - it doesn't mean running towards a reclusive life but means doing something that makes us feel useful along with letting go. I know what my father did, having been a heavy smoker, he died of lung cancer at 94 plus. He would simply visit old people (he himself was 91 when he started doing it - mobile and physically active better than expected at that age - he would go to ta nearby hospital to bed ridden terminal patients and read to them or guide them to pray leading the prayer individually with each one of them spending about three hours every morning. Thanks, SpiritGirl - have a wonderful day !!   "To fight the darkness do not draw your sword, light a candle" - Zarathustra
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I agree with friendly's comments re this being a well thought out post ~ thanks spirit :- ). I wondered too if a sense of not being appreciated, of not being validated as a person would over time not bring about similar states of being? You have probably said as much in your post.
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9/21/2014 10:04 pm |
Hi Spirit: Excellent blog and you have really summed up the situation perfectly. When I was younger I did volunteer work at old age homes and OMG so many of those old women were downright mean, two-faced and full of snarky comments and petty jealousies. Now that I'm old, I'm afraid I see the same behaviour in myself. Old age is not easy for some, but we should never judge another person because we don't have a clue what their life is like.
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9/22/2014 6:00 am |
I'm ornery because I'm horny and haven't been getting any lately. That always puts me off my feed.
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9/22/2014 10:18 am |
Thank you. Interesting that you noticed the right to the point part. That has always been my style. I had to learn how to elaborate . Kind of goes with a blog I did a recently about explaining the process when I didn't have one in the first place. The hardest thing for me had been to develop the patience for listening to folks who aren't able to zero in. I am told that this is a typical ADD way of functioning. Maybe we just get too confused by the extras. Spiritwoman ^i^
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9/22/2014 10:19 am |
Interesting!! ...and very true of many older folks...sighhhh. Me... I'm too busy to sit around complaining. Spiritwoman ^i^
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9/22/2014 10:24 am |
I have a couple of friends like this as well. We get together once a week for breakfast then one of them and I go to her house for a Tarot session. It seems that most of us develop these informal support systems of peers. Spiritwoman ^i^
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9/22/2014 10:28 am |
I know what you mean about the boarding the plane thing. In the past couple of years this has happened to me. Not so much a problem for me but getting any younger travel companions to understand why I have to take things slower is often a challenge. When I am by myself or with same issues we just allow extra time. I definitely do not like this but so far it hasn't kept me from getting on the plane. We also have to take things slower and do less once we reach our destination but the good news, which I focus on, is that we can still go. Spiritwoman ^i^
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9/22/2014 10:32 am |
I agree that often we don't notice how our issues are effecting our behavior. We don't have to get mean or ornery for this to happen. When in pain I withdraw and get quiet. The people who know me notice that even if I am not grumpy. Hope you get your surgery soon and get some relief from it. When you have a problem with your back it makes everything more difficult to do Spiritwoman ^i^
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9/22/2014 10:34 am |
I am one of those older folks who have mellowed with the years, Spirit. I have in the past been guilty of displaying anger, but nowadays I'm just too happy for cross words and am one of the nicest people you will ever meet. If we ever do get to meet, you will realize that.. Alfie... Spiritwoman ^i^
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9/22/2014 10:35 am |
What a wonderful blog. A friend my age told me the other day to not mess with old folks because they don't like being old to start with. Now, at my age; I desire to give a smile, always be positive and express the love in my life that I have for others in my past who have enriched my life as well as those who continue to do so in the future. Spiritwoman ^i^
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9/22/2014 10:37 am |
Physical pain. When you hurt enough it’s hard to be cheerful. All species retreat and growl when hurting. Difficult but possible, Spirit. I's my case. Nobody has seen me angry, or less ornery. I worked to assume the situation, of course, with the help of God. I am aware of my age and limitations. Spiritwoman ^i^
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9/22/2014 10:38 am |
It does not seem to. Some can make changes with a lot of insight and effort but that involves a lot of hard work and I doubt anyone would take it on at this point. Spiritwoman ^i^
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9/22/2014 10:41 am |
The tiring thing is a nuisance, isn't it? My biggest complaint goes along with that - it takes my longer to do most things. It matters to no one else but I get impatient with myself. Spiritwoman ^i^
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9/22/2014 10:42 am |
Definitely - And I have the "papers" from the doctor to prove it. Spiritwoman ^i^
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9/22/2014 10:45 am |
Very good and thoughtful blog.......I have been dealing with chronic back pain for many years. When I first was injured I felt very frustrated and resentful that I had to give up my active adventure lifestyle........I was flat on my back for 6 months and was in a lot of pain......couldn't even walk because of the sciatic nerve in my heels........Accepting my situation and letting go of my expectations of what I needed in order to feel fulfilled was a long haul........It took me a while to figure out what forgiving my body for breaking down looked like.......forgiving myself for putting my body through the rigors and extremes that I chose in order to live my chosen lifestyle.......I acted like I was superwoman and my body paid for it. But I had those adventures......those amazing experiences...........and I did what I did............... Once I accepted my condition, I found I could keep the pain down to a dull roar and acknowledge it and feel it and look at it as a physical challenge in the same way I once climbed a mountain or sailed a boat through storms bucking the tide and raising babies in the bush with no electricity or phone.........Then I realized that the resentment I had felt at having to give up on my ambitions was gone and replaced by a feeling of freedom.......I feel released from ambition..........what a relief to just putter and play with few expectations.....My life is good. I believe the key is to do what you did. Accept and fondly remember the adventures of youth and a strong body. Spiritwoman ^i^
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9/22/2014 10:52 am |
Good examples. We all have issues and need to be realistic and deal with them but I believe the key is just as you said acknowledge, accept, resolve as best we can then let it go and get on with having fun and enjoying the things we still can. Spiritwoman ^i^
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9/22/2014 10:56 am |
I believe this is a very well thought out post - I also believe that you have covered all possible reasons for old age frustrations that we witness manifest themselves as anger at others or just inside our own selves. Release and relief can come from a bit of spirituality - it doesn't mean running towards a reclusive life but means doing something that makes us feel useful along with letting go. I know what my father did, having been a heavy smoker, he died of lung cancer at 94 plus. He would simply visit old people (he himself was 91 when he started doing it - mobile and physically active better than expected at that age - he would go to ta nearby hospital to bed ridden terminal patients and read to them or guide them to pray leading the prayer individually with each one of them spending about three hours every morning. Thanks, SpiritGirl - have a wonderful day !! For me spirituality is a way of life, not a religion, a personal, quiet thing to be experienced rather than preache as it is in most of the belief systems you are most familiar with. Spiritwoman ^i^
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9/22/2014 11:00 am |
I agree with friendly's comments re this being a well thought out post ~ thanks spirit :- ). I wondered too if a sense of not being appreciated, of not being validated as a person would over time not bring about similar states of being? You have probably said as much in your post. when Chuck was under conscious sedation for one of his medical procedures he summed this feeling up perfectly "No one listens to the old man anyway.". Spiritwoman ^i^
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9/22/2014 11:04 am |
Hi Spirit: Excellent blog and you have really summed up the situation perfectly. When I was younger I did volunteer work at old age homes and OMG so many of those old women were downright mean, two-faced and full of snarky comments and petty jealousies. Now that I'm old, I'm afraid I see the same behaviour in myself. Old age is not easy for some, but we should never judge another person because we don't have a clue what their life is like. Fortunately many like yourself recognize this and are able to recognize and deal with these feelings rather than take it out on others. It's not a matter of having the feelings, but rather what we do about them that makes the difference. Spiritwoman ^i^
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9/22/2014 11:07 am |
As usual you came up with a neat subject. I can remember being a young lady -- dealing with older people and wondering this very thing. I made a conscious decision when I was only seventeen-- not to be a hateful, crabby old lady. Tho my life has been one of a road less traveled. . . I own it. . Spiritwoman ^i^
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