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Better? I am doing better, but then what is the meaning of better. I bet everyone would agree that it is the little things that sets off the emotions to start the tears flowing. Instead of making up two cups of coffee. One with cream and sugar, mine with just cream. Setting it on the bathroom counter while she is in the shower getting ready for work. Now it just one cup to make. One everyone can relate too is. Turn the TV down or off I got to go to work in the morning. Not hearing that once in a while. Her cats laying on top of me now because they can't find her. Sleeping at night is getting better. But then after three months of mission mode. The lack of sleep catches up to you. The checking up on her all thru the night. Seeing that she is comfortable. The worst of all was checking to see if she was still breathing. Even knowing she is in a better place now is little comfort at times. I know I'll get by and life go on. Which she would want me to do. It still the little things of moments in time that brings the tears flowing. |
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10/5/2010 12:21 pm |
sgt7.. First off my sincere condolences on the loss of your wife.. As for what she would want you to do.. Is get plenty rest, and when you think of her let it bring a smile to your face instead of a tear to your eye.. What I just said will happen just give yourself time to heal.. Love and Light thecatsmeoww The longest journey made in your life is from your head to your heart."
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It is so important to allow ourselves to grieve...after six years I still can tear up when my son's favorite song comes on or when I see his favorite cereal in the supermarket! And I am OK with that....it is real... he was here and he is gone and I still miss him! Take one day at a time and enjoy the memories while living for today...Hugs RED Some believe in destiny, some believe in fate. I believe that happiness is something we create 
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Check out the stages of grieving...just so that you know that what you're going through is normal. When you wrote about checking to see if your wife was breathing, that sure brought back memories!!! I had been so involved with Eric's meds, tests, and doctor's appointments that when he died I had all this empty time. It was very disconcerting for awhile. Catsmeoww is right about memories that make you smile or laugh out loud. Just don't make any important decisions for awhile.
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10/5/2010 2:47 pm |
My thoughts and prayers are with you, Sgt7.
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10/5/2010 3:21 pm |
Sgt7 Like many others here, I offer my sincere condolences.I used to get a glass of orange juice on the counter as I was getting ready so I understand a little of what you are going through. There is much good advice already given ... take the time to consider it and God bless.
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10/5/2010 4:46 pm |
Better is good. It comes and goes, but better is good. For me, the first year was the hardest. It was the year of firsts. The first time without my husband I had to celebrate the holidays, welcome the first grand or the first time there was no more anniversary. I pray you fare well. Grow old along we me. The best is yet to be. Robert Browning
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I feel with you as I went through the same about 3 years ago. The healing is a slow process and I still feel like amputated. But don t stay away from life. Start new things - I immediately began a volonteer job which I found new friends with and it gave me a good feeling. But the memories of love, laughter,good times, silly things we did and the fact that we were blessed (and that is we are so grateful for) to have him 20 years longer than the medical professional expected gave and gives comfort. A famous German musician who lost his wife composed a song - more a hymn to her - and this sentence out of ot it means a lot to me: I have you safe in my soul I carry you with me until my curtain falls.
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10/6/2010 1:00 pm |
Sgt7, horrible is the loss of someone we have loved with all of our heart. When my husband died....I was so lost the first 6 months, then I started feeling "human" again, slowly. I belong to Gilda's Club and I found a book shortly after he died that helped me tremendously...I sent it to everyone I knew hoping it would help them as well. "HEALING AFTER LOSS' by Martha Whitmore Hickman. It is written almost like a diary....Jan. 1st to Dec. 31st and is meant to be read one day at a time....although I would always go through it randomly. Here is Jan. 1st.... 'When we are drawn into the brotherhood or sisterhood of loss, tenderness seems to be our natural state. We are so vulnerable. Everything brushes against the raw wound of our grief, reminding us of what we have lost, triggering a touch, a particular conversation. These images are like beads strung together on the necklace of loss. Tenderly, we turn them again and again. We cannot bear them. We cannot let them go. Then, gradually, bit by bit, the binding thread of grief somehow transmutes, reconstitutes itself as a thread of treasured memories--a tilt of the head, a laugh, a way of walking, a touch, a particular conversation as gifts from the life we shared with the one we have lost, gifts that can never be taken away. May I honor--and trust--the processes of grief and of healing, knowing that, in time, a new day will come.' May peace be with you...it comes slowly at first, Sgt7, but then faster as time goes on. Trust in that!
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