| Blogs > Kassr > Just Being Me.. |
|
7 reasons for the 7 rules of the perfect first meet... I am beginning to think that the reason there are so many dating site on the internet is because people are thriving on the idea of trying to set rules or guidelines for dating. I don’t really see where the object is to actually find someone who is compatible with anyone. What I see is quite the opposite. If a person dares to be honest while filling out a profile they will spend more time dodging the put downs, slams and the all knowing advice given by total strangers than they will in actually locating the “special” person. Now don’t get me wrong, if you read all the comments, replies and posts that are plastered all over any statement or question you ask; there comes a time when you have to just say ok…I got it now! Here are the 7 rules of meeting for the first time: 1: It is expected that a man will open the door for the lady… Unless she doesn’t want this to be done…in which case if you do it you are insulting her independence and are trying to control her. So the safest thing to do on the first meeting is make sure you go somewhere that doesn’t have any doors! 2: Never try to flatter the lady because if you do then she knows you are only after sex… But don’t make the mistake of saying you are not interested in having sex with her because now she knows either you are gay or you just said she is too damn ugly to be your sexual partner…So the safest thing to do is keep your mouth shut and let her do all the talking! 3: Don’t get all dressed up because the lady will come in casual attire and she will instantly know you are too stiff and up tight for her liking…But if you come dressed casual she will be insulted that you didn’t care enough about her to dress up…Now the obvious solution is to come naked, but then you will be a perverted weirdo how only wants her for sex…So the safest thing to do is wear a dress shirt & tie, cut-offs and a flip-flop on one foot and a cowboy boot on the other foot. 4: Never bring a bunch of roses because you are not showing her that she is special…Never just bring one rose because then she knows you are only after sex…But if you don’t bring any flowers you are an insensitive heel…Safest thing to do is bring a package of flower seeds and tell her in this way we can watch the flowers grow right along with our relationship…Of course by doing this you are admitting that your only goal is to have sex with her! 5: Even if you know the lady loves chocolate, NEVER bring chocolate…everyone knows chocolate is an aphrodisiac… and you know what that tells her? Yeppers, you are only interested in sex! The only safe thing to bring is mustard because no one thinks of sex after mustard is in his or her mouth…But if by chance she gets turned on by mustard and wants sex…run because she is way to kinky! 6: Never walk ahead of the lady because she will know you think you are better than her…Never walk behind the lady because she will know you are looking at her ass…Never walk on the street side along side of her because you are not protecting her from the mugger--drunk that is waiting inside of every doorway…Never walk on the building side along side of her because you are not gallant enough to shield her from the hit-and-run-puddle splashing maniac that is after her in that car…Safest thing to do is let the lady carry you! 7: Don’t try to kiss the lady on the first date because she is not that kind of girl and you will only get slapped…Don’t try to hug her because then she will know you only want sex…Never offer to shake her hand because she is not just one of the guys you idiot! I don’t have a clue as what is the safest thing to do on this one. So there we have it. After almost 2 years in these dating sites, a million or more replies, posts and insults I think I have finally got it. The perfect first meeting: 1: Meet her at an open-air café that has a swimming pool. 2: Wire your jaws shut. 3: Follow the above instructions for the safest way to dress. 4: Bring her a potted cactus (No one relates sex to a cactus) 5: Bring mustard and hope you can run fast wearing one flip-flop and one cowboy boot. 6: Fill your pockets with rocks so she will get tired of carrying you quickly and will have to sit down. (Then all you have to do is talk her in to lying back and relaxing. Yeah I know…only after sex, but what did you expect after all I am a man.) 7: The kissing problem doesn’t really matter at this point…either you have already made it way past kissing or you are sitting alone in the middle of the pool because that is what she told you that you could do as she would never have sex with you! An obstacle in the path of the weak is a stepping stone in the path of the strong. |
|||
9/16/2005 3:19 am |
Mmmmmmmmm, a potted cactus carrying,wire jawed man wearing one flip-flop and one cowboy boot with pockets filled with rocks.....I had dinner with him the other night. I don't think I'll see him again though. I asked him if he'd like to come back to my place after dinner and he said, you know you women are all alike, all you think about is sex!
| ||
9/16/2005 6:38 am |
Now you got it right. Post it on your frige. 
| ||
9/16/2005 10:26 am |
Senior FriendFinder
| ||
9/16/2005 12:05 pm |
Kassr, thanks for giving me my chuckle of the day! Keep 'em coming!
| ||
9/16/2005 12:28 pm |
I have only recently begun to read the bloqs and this is the best I have seen, must pass it on. Kassr I love it's very funny.
| ||
|
you could be the new dear abbey of SFF but you can't always tell all the guys to... run like hell. funny, funny post (this was tongue-in-cheek, wasn't it?) LOL
| ||
9/16/2005 3:29 pm |
wonderful! TY. And remember, humor can be a turn-on, too! lol
| ||
9/16/2005 4:01 pm |
For sure!!!! Loved it....thanks for the chuckle.....
| ||
9/16/2005 10:06 pm |
Great sense of humor!! And throw away your rocks. Kassr, Keep writing!! ROFL
| ||
|
WOW.....Guess that is reason I didn't have a date for over 3 years...hahaha. I loved this. Brilliant. Keep blogging. Bruja The wealth of a soul is measured by how much it can feel; its poverty by how little. W. R. Inge
| ||
10/2/2005 9:38 am |
OMG kassr, you are HILARIOUS......you really KNOW women, don'tcha?.....gals, I'd say this guy's been around the block a few times and then some.........I'd be scared to death to date this man....ROFLMAO.....
| ||
10/9/2005 9:07 am |
thanks for the laugh..this is the way i feel about men..(post5999) lynxQ10 
|
×
×