| Blogs > krystal4est > welcome to my |
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day 167 not a productive meeting with my psychiatric care giver. just because a piece of paper says a drug will react does not mean I should want to take it. example, when antidepressants were extensively studied, one remarkable outcome from a general category of the same, meaning all, 100,000 humans in a test taking these and 100,000 humans not taking them. ones not taking them suffered 17 taking their own l--e, the other group, 751 !!! and they are all advertised in every publication and everywhere, take me, take me. bs besides arguing over what I think, or want to take, and being denied vociferously, still burns, do not want to go to the street, at this point, that is a no go for me. the kicker was getting home with a "starter kit" for this pharma, of course I read the included (how do they print so small?) information, confirmed it will never be taken, no way and realized they were 6 months past date. now, two poisons less, stopped two last night, blood pressure is next. my feeling is it will be in line now without so much pharma in me, underlying it all, my stuff, may prevent that. the poppy product and it's synthesized facsimile sit in plain view to present to me, daily, a horrible reminder, as if it could ever be forgotten. never to be forgotten and still stinging from the dire fact that everybody talks a great talk about the problem, who helped, who advertises help, nobody, absolutely no one. I am my own help, was and will be. my pcp said, good luck at the start, could not tell me of any help besides aa or na. to top it off, my psychiatric caregiver told me the dopamine process in my brain could be totally f----- forever. thank you doc, great way to leave a visit, possibly the last. |
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I was given a script years ago by the doc for depression. Went to pharmacy and they gave me a 3 page document on the stuff, I was supposed to read it, pharmacist was adamant that I should read it. I was too depressed to read or concentrate. The stuff gave me 'a bad trip'. When I stopped taking it after trying to perservere for a few weeks I started reading the blurb. Said not to drive for 3 days after starting, and that it could cause suicidal tendencies in some ..... what! For the first 3 days I couldnt function. I found out later that it was a new drug and I was in the first 100 it was given to "on the street" so to speak from the doc. Felt like a guinea pig. It was definitely mind altering. I felt like I was in a Harry Potter movie and things were lurking in a fog around me. "White fog" around me was where I could only partly relax. When the "black fog" came there was something terrifying right beside and I had to be on my guard. Couldnt sleep when the black fog came or 'it' would get me, I could feel it. It was like I entered a world full of demons. Never again. Judgment Day will be interesting - and all paths lead there.
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You've been doing so well!!! One foot in front of the other, eh!!
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