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Elderly Meal! 7/11/2004
A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to
lunch at McDonald's. He noticed that they had
ordered one meal, and an extra drink cup. As he
watched, the gentleman carefully divided the
hamburger in half, then counted out the fries, one
for him, one for her, until each had half of them.
Then he poured half of the soft drink into the extra
cup and set that in front of his wife. ...
1 Comments, 68 Views,
99 Votes
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More Irish Drinking....... 6/10/2004
Mick and Paddy were coming out of the pub after the usual
night of heavy drinking - only this night they are later
than usual.
<br>
"Beejeezez!" says Mick, "All the buses
are finished. Oy, Paddy, we'll have to walk home."
<br>
So, off they set. It's not long before they come upon
the bus depot, all quiet and shrouded in darkness. Mick
suddenly says, "Oy, Paddy.... ...
1 Comments, 86 Views,
18 Votes
,5.58 Score
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Why all the questions ? 6/1/2004
It is your first 'date', your first look at each
other. He/she wants to know all about you, some of the questions
are irrelevant, some of the questions are rude, some of
the questions are out of place in the first date timing.
You are listening, more than he/she. The time spent is too
long, you want to flee, boredom sets in, you know that there
is no connection, that you dont want to see ...
1 Comments, 86 Views,
16 Votes
,2.10 Score
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Tear of Mosquito 5/24/2004
Dusk pulled darkness over the heaven eventually. Birds,
worms, and insects sing and dance in the bush and grass,
just like a party.
<br>
There are two mosquitoes resting on a leaf of grass.
<br>
The male mosquito took a sip of grass juice, and elbowed
the female one who was in bad temper and stood like dead,
he said, "darling, please take a sip, you have rejected ...
1 Comments, 95 Views,
127 Votes
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wanna be whoppers!!!!??? 5/13/2004
why does it not surprise me that when some wanna be stud comes
into chat and brahs about him self =you know the i am 6ft something, has
a 6 pack figure and was at the head of the line when the the
FAMILEY JEWELS were being handed out?? well guys if you
are all that, then tell me this where did it get you in your
past life hu?if you have all that then good on you , enjoy
, but if you are ...
1 Comments, 132 Views,
48 Votes
,3.23 Score
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Vaseline 5/6/2004
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years.
He breaks into a
house to look for money and finds a young couple in bed. He
orders the
guy
out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the girl to
the bed he
gets
on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into
the bathroom.
While he's in there the husband tells his wife:"
Listen, this guys an
...
1 Comments, 114 Views,
84 Votes
,3.62 Score
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Apples 5/3/2004
Subject: Apples
<br>
Women are like apples on trees: the best ones are at the top
of the tree.
Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because
they are afraid of
falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten
apples from the
ground that aren't as good, but easy....... So the
apples at the top think
something is wrong with them, when in reality, ...
1 Comments, 107 Views,
263 Votes
,7.48 Score
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good luck 4/12/2004
If a man who can not count finds a four leaf clover, is he entitled
to good luck?
2 Comments, 123 Views,
145 Votes
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Buckets and Saucers 4/12/2004
A man doing a study on contrceptives and birth control was
canvassing a neighborhood. At one house he met a very tall
young lady who said she had been married for 10 years and
hadn't gotten pregnant yet. He asked if she used a method
of birth control and she said"Why of course! I use
the "bucket and saucer" method. The man was
taken aback and said he had never heard of this method and ...
1 Comments, 128 Views,
27 Votes
,1.56 Score
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Size does matter 3/5/2004
A male friend was tellinhg me of his predicament when he
started a new relationship with a woman after the death
of his wife. They made plans to spend the night together
and at first he was baffled when she told him that he had better
stop by the drug store on his way over. then he realized she
wanted him to buy condoms. Embarrassed, he hurried in grabbed
the first ones he saw and felt ...
1 Comments, 181 Views,
90 Votes
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The twelve cats of Christmas 12/17/2003
THE TWELVE CATS OF CHRISTMAS
<br>
<br>
The Twelve Cats of Christmas
On the first day of Christmas when I brought home my tree
My 12 cats were laughing at me.
<br>
On the second day of Christmas I saw beneath my tree
2 mangled garlands
and my 12 cats laughing at me.
<br>
On the third day of Christmas I saw beneath my tree
3 missing Wise Men
...
1 Comments, 418 Views,
129 Votes
,3.46 Score
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Christmas with Louise 12/17/2003
As a joke, my brother used to hang a pair of panty hose over
his fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was
for Santa to fill them. What they say about Santa checking
the list twice must be true because every Christmas morning,
although Jay's ' stockings were overflowed,
his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty.
<br>
One year I decided to make his dream come ...
1 Comments, 377 Views,
130 Votes
,4.94 Score
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It All Adds Up... 12/5/2003
On the first day God created the cow. God said, "You
must go to the field with the farmer all day long and suffer
under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer
I will give you a life span of sixty years."
The cow said, "That's a kind of a tough life you
want me to live for sixty years. Let me have twenty years
and I'll give back the other ...
3 Comments, 2073 Views,
752 Votes
,7.53 Score
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Chivalry Never Dies... 12/5/2003
An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband
was falling asleep but the wife felt romantic and wanted
to talk.
"You use to hold my hand when we were courting, "
said the wife. Wearily, the husband reached across, held
her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.
A few moments later she said "Then you used ...
3 Comments, 2778 Views,
525 Votes
,6.61 Score
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The Agony and the Ecstasy 12/5/2003
Three guys die together and go to heaven. St. Peter says,
"We only have one rule here: Don't step on the
ducks, as they are God's favorite creation."
They enter heaven and see ducks everywhere, and it's
almost impossible NOT to step on a duck. The first guy accidentally
steps on one, and soon here comes St. Peter with the ugliest
woman you've ever seen. St. Peter chains ...
1 Comments, 1841 Views,
1107 Votes
,7.73 Score
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There's a Limit to Everything. 12/5/2003
An elderly woman accompanied her even more elderly husband
to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor
called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your
husband is suffering from a very severe disease combined
with horrible stress. If you don't do the following,
your husband will surely die:
<br>
"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant;
make sure he ...
1 Comments, 1199 Views,
741 Votes
,7.04 Score
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Ted's Dead 12/5/2003
Two elderly women meet at the launderette after not seeing
one another for some time. After inquiring about each other’s
health, one asked how the other’s husband was doing.
<br>
<br>
“Oh! Ted died last week. He went out to the garden to dig up
a cabbage for dinner, had a heart attack, and dropped down
dead right there in the middle of the vegetable ...
1 Comments, 468 Views,
250 Votes
,0.20 Score
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Another Irish Drinking Joke! 12/5/2003
An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three
<br>
pints
of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip
out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back
to the bar and orders three more. The bartender
asks him,
"You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would
taste better if you bought one at a time." The Irishman
replies, ...
2 Comments, 2810 Views,
749 Votes
,6.63 Score
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Elephant Joke 11/19/2003
Why do elephants drink?
<br>
To forget.
1 Comments, 101 Views,
233 Votes
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Need a Job? Try the Grand Canyon. 11/19/2003
I worked as a seasonal employee at the Grand Canyon, and
I'm here to tell you that if you're breathing (or
even if you're not), you can get hired there. I once
saw a convicted carjacker hired as a tourbus driver...
nobody had even read his resume. Or maybe they did, and though
his skill base might come in handy at some point.
<br>
Intelligence is likewise not a prerequisite. ...
1 Comments, 201 Views,
237 Votes
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