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StarGazerWomyn 70 F
139  Articles
Lauderdale County Facility, Turkey Guts, and Honey   3/22/2006

The Number One Man at the Lauderdale County Facility and His Honey happily resides in their abode at the facility for many years. The only thing Honey objected to was himself's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke.
The noise would wake Honey and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.
Every morning she would plead with him to stop ...


1 Comments, 47 Views, 18 Votes ,0.53 Score
StarGazerWomyn 70 F
139  Articles
The Argument -The Woman is Always Right!!!!   3/21/2006

A man and woman were involved in a petty argument, both of them unwilling to admit they might be in error.
"I'll admit I'm wrong, " the woman told the man in a con-ciliatory attempt, "if you'll admit I'm right."
He agreed and, like a gentleman, insisted she go first.
"I'm wrong, " she said.
With a twinkle in his eye, he responded, ...



1 Comments, 66 Views, 20 Votes ,1.47 Score
StarGazerWomyn 70 F
139  Articles
Educational Opportunities for the Male Gender   3/20/2006

Note: Due to the complexity and difficulty level of their contents, each course will accept a maximum of 8 participants each.
Topic 1 - How to fill up the ice cube trays. Step by step, with slide presentation.
Topic 2 - The toilet paper roll: Do they grow on the holders? Roundtable discussion.
Topic 3 - Is it possible to urinate using the technique of lifting the ...


1 Comments, 60 Views, 14 Votes
StarGazerWomyn 70 F
139  Articles
You know your from ALASKA when....   3/16/2006

You know your from ALASKA when....
- You only know three spices - salt, pepper and ketchup. - You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit. - The mosquitoes have landing lights. - You have more miles on your snowblower than your car. - You have 10 favourite recipes for bottled moose. - alaska Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores ...



1 Comments, 110 Views, 31 Votes
StarGazerWomyn 70 F
139  Articles
The #1 with his #1 Fan at the Honey Doo Tavern   3/16/2006

The Number One Fan of the Number One Man from Tennessee man a wild date, He needed $$$$$$ fast so make some $18 bills with his computer morph program. He decided the best place to pass off his phony would be at the Jumping Branch Tavern in Fort Pillow, Tennessee off of Prison Road. So, he got into his new wheels and off he went ...


6 Comments, 338 Views, 28 Votes
StarGazerWomyn 70 F
139  Articles
Ides of March - Hasta La Vista Julius C....   3/15/2006

Shakespeare made famous this ancient Roman date–the Ides of March. Beware of the Ides of March - The Soothsayer Told Mr. Ceasar who didn't listen and met his demise that day.
Also At on the Ides of March the ancient Romans celebrated the festival of Anna Perenna, Roman goddess of the New Year. Anna Perrena is a derivatie of the words "annual" and "perennial." In Roman ...


1 Comments, 48 Views, 16 Votes
Stircrazy1965 50 M
8  Articles
Now this did make me giggle...   3/15/2006

An elderly couple was attending church services. About halfway through she leans over and says, "I just let a silent wind, what do you think I should do?"
He replies, "put a new battery in your hearing aid!"


2 Comments, 69 Views, 5 Votes ,5.43 Score
StarGazerWomyn 70 F
139  Articles
The Frog Wants $$$$$$$   3/14/2006

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her name plate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack.
So, he says, "Mrs. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation." Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.
The frog says "$30, 000." The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name ...


1 Comments, 67 Views, 18 Votes ,1.08 Score
StarGazerWomyn 70 F
139  Articles
Webs Cams and Guys   3/13/2006

What is it about webcams and guys What could they possible want to see My Hazel Green Eyes - My Bright Shiny Smile Laughter, Intellegences - My tealight candles and magickal crystals. The Historical Church outside my window, tiny little dragons, geocaching bugs, Voyager Cards, Ferlin the Mutt. Certainly they don't want to see me me me me me me and my double ddddddddddddddddd's Naw! ...


3 Comments, 131 Views, 20 Votes
StarGazerWomyn 70 F
139  Articles
12 Ways to Communicate with God per Astrolgical Signs   3/12/2006

ARIES: "Dear God! Give me PATIENCE and I want it NOW!"
TAURUS: "Dear God, please help me accept CHANGE in my life, but NOT YET."
GEMINI: "Yo God...(or is it Goddess?)...Who are you?...What are you?.....Where are You?.....How many of you ARE there? I can't figure you out!"
CANCER: "Dear Daddy, I know I shouldn't depend on you so much, but you're the only One I can ...


0 Comments, 44 Views, 12 Votes
StarGazerWomyn 70 F
139  Articles
$$$$ From the Judge   3/12/2006

Judge: "Well, Sir, I have reviewed this case and I've decided to give your wife $775.00 a week."
Husband: "That's fair, your honor. I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."


0 Comments, 51 Views, 13 Votes
holly020361 69 F
17  Articles
Quick Thinking ! LOL   3/12/2006

A man walked into the produce section of his local supermarket and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was insistent that the boy ask his manager about the matter.
Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager, "Some asshole wants to buy half a head of lettuce." As he ...


6 Comments, 210 Views, 12 Votes ,5.98 Score
tweetyNsylvester 70 C
7  Articles
The Perfect Prescription for all.....   3/9/2006

Trust me, this worked for me. Read all about this! I totally recommend this product!

Ask your doctor or pharmacist



Do you have feelings of inadequacy? Do you suffer from shyness? Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive? If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Tequila®. Tequila® is the ...


1 Comments, 81 Views, 6 Votes ,5.36 Score
tweetyNsylvester 70 C
7  Articles
Forrest Gump dies....   3/9/2006

The day finally arrived; Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. However, the gates are closed and Forrest approaches the Gatekeeper St. Peter says, "Well, Forrest, it's certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you. I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we've been administering an entrance examination ...


2 Comments, 406 Views, 52 Votes ,6.79 Score
coby7777 82 F
80  Articles
what is a true blue relationship for women   3/8/2006

men do all the cooking, spend their money only, do all the romancing...what???


4 Comments, 64 Views, 5 Votes ,3.47 Score
StarGazerWomyn 70 F
139  Articles
After Whoopee Comments & Astrology   3/4/2006

Aries: "Okay, let's do it again!" <br> Taurus: "I'm hungry--pass the pizza." <br> Gemini: "Have you seen the remote?" <br> Cancer: "When are we getting married?" <br> Leo: "Wasn't I fantastic?" <br> Virgo: "I need to wash the sheets." <br> Libra: "I liked it if you liked it." <br> Scorpio: "Perhaps I should untie you." ...


1 Comments, 58 Views, 12 Votes ,0.15 Score
frenchsalsa2 76 F
29  Articles
WHAT DO RETIRED PEOPLE DO ALL DAY?   2/24/2006

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. <br> Well for example, the other day I went into town and went into a shop. I was only in there for about 5 minutes, when I came out there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. I went up to him and said, "Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?" He ignored me and continued ...


1 Comments, 130 Views, 11 Votes ,5.97 Score
holly020361 69 F
17  Articles
Talking Dog   2/20/2006

A guy is driving around Tennessee and he sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking For Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells him the is in the backyard.The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador retriever sitting there. <br> "You talk?" he asks. <br> "Yes, I do, " the Lab replies. <br> "So, what's ...


9 Comments, 569 Views, 64 Votes ,7.96 Score
StarGazerWomyn 70 F
139  Articles
The Adventures of Sushi   2/16/2006

Sushi is Raw Fish Raw Fish is used for bait <br> Ginger is a Spice Wasabi is Heat Soy mellows it out <br> To attract a mate - Eat Sushi topped wih Ginger Dipped in Wasabi and covered with Soy <br> Masculine Splender unless you perfer the other Gender Heated Passion Mellows Out. It's all good


3 Comments, 141 Views, 33 Votes
frenchsalsa2 76 F
29  Articles
A Whole New Meaning to the English Language!!   2/14/2006

Here's a list of things that give a whole new meaning to the English Language: <br> 1. ARBITRATOR: A cook who leaves Arby's to work at McDonalds. 2. AVOIDABLE: What a bullfighter tried to do. 3. BERNADETTE: The act of torching a mortgage. 4. BURGLARIZE: What a crook sees with. 5. CONTROL: A short, ugly inmate. 6. COUNTERFEITERS: Workers who put together kitchen ...


3 Comments, 83 Views, 8 Votes ,5.10 Score
pomeroy 69 F
4  Articles
Well, we all have a Love/Hate relationship with computers   2/8/2006

Dear Ms. _____________, <br> This correspondence is in response to your fervent prayers of last week. We do want you to know that all were received, heard, discussed, and reviewed. Heaven is sympathetic to your demise, regarding your hard drive and tower. We also appreciate your initiative to solve this earthly problem on your own. God does appreciate those who help ...


2 Comments, 107 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
frenchsalsa2 76 F
29  Articles
Seniors Ads   1/26/2006

(Who says seniors don't have a sense of humor? LO <br> FOXY LADY: Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80's, slim, 5'4" (used to be 5'6"), searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion. Matching white shoes and belt a plus. <br> LONG-TERM COMMITMENT: Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband, and am looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. ...


2 Comments, 147 Views, 7 Votes ,5.08 Score
frenchsalsa2 76 F
29  Articles
Little Old Lady   1/26/2006

I just couldn't stop laughing at this one I received today: <br> A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic garbage >bags with her, one in each hand. There's a hole in one of the bags, and >every once in a while a $20 bill is flying out of it onto the pavement. Noticing this, a policeman stops her...."Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that ...


3 Comments, 175 Views, 6 Votes ,5.64 Score
   2006-01-07

An intelligence report on the Life helicopter ambush assault led by Major JKH54 : In the Cloverdale area of British Columbia Canada near the local insane asylum : Agent 54 along with him dome, Hobson's choice, belle la donna and east mountains assaulted an American chopper in the Cloverdale area . Although under orders not to introduce violence in any manner Major JKH54 made an immediate field decision in personally assassinating 2 life flight attendants along with the pilot and door gunner for what he described as acts of treason. They continued their mission as dome safely landed the chopper near the waiting attendants at the insane asylum . Hobson's choice along with belle la donna under orders went into the insane asylum with Major JKH 54 where the Emperor doctor pigen was guarded by 12 elite pigens. The elite 12 were immediately KIA by 2 m-60 machine gun's used by belle and Hobson and a model 1921 Thompson wielded by Major 54 . Hobson and belle guarded the door of the operating room blazing away with their m-60's as reinforcement infantry trolls arrived . Major 54 held a 45 automatic up to the surgeons head and forced the surgeon to operate on the horrified doctor pigeon without anesthesia . The transplant operation was a success and now the Emperor doctor pigeon has a brand new set of baby squirrel testicles . Major 54 then assassinated the American surgeon for what he described as an act of treason . Shooting their way out of the insane asylum taking out more than 50 more trolls on the way they found east mountain's and dome blazing away from the m-60's in the hello door gunner positions while being assaulted by infantry trolls . The team of five then atempted to leave the asylum lifting off with dome at the controls and Major 54 taking over on the unmanned m-60 with east mountains never letting off firing her m-60 . Hobson and belle were firing with their handheld m-60's as well . They escape doing heavy damage on the enemy . Although Major 54 was ordered not to engage in battle unless of course it was necessary in defense of their lives and or of course unless the enemy refused to surrender . Over 300 pigeons and an undetermined amount of the infantry trolls lives were lost in this raid . Dome deemed it necessary to make three more passes before he maneuvered out of range under heavy fire . The team of five arrived home very weary . They were also drunk and were all naked with no casualties. Sassy was supposed to have been on this mission but was interrogating prisoners . General Kassr was leading a diversionary defensive on our own ground successfully . The new commander in chief newday seemed to be pleased and will be issuing citations to the team of five and will overlook their alleged drunkness and nudity. As submitted to General Hollywood52 Commanding officer, Army Intel.the That is all . Report filed by JKH54 1/7/06


Comments, Views, Votes
drcuddle61 63 M
3  Articles
I do't want to end up like that!   1/4/2006

A retired couple visit an ailing friend in a nursing home. The older man had declined to a point of not recognizing the couple. <br> Later that afternoon the older couple were sitting in their living room when the man says to his wife, "Honey I am telling you now whatever happens to me in this life, do what you have to but don't let just sit around in a vegetative state like ...


2 Comments, 81 Views, 4 Votes ,4.41 Score
StarGazerWomyn 70 F
139  Articles
Wicked Things to Do With Food   12/22/2005

If you are out on a romatice stroll - buy an ice cream cone, bite off the end and slip it over his finger. take your time nibbling and licking until he's ..... <br> Use ice-cream topping to write numbers on each other <br> pop a mouthful of frozen berries or tropical fruits in your mouth instead. They taste great and are a lot easier to hold in your mouth while....... ...


1 Comments, 177 Views, 18 Votes ,1.35 Score
Blueeyesredhair 69 F
10  Articles
Penguins, Midget Nuns, Seven Dwarfs and the Pope   12/20/2005

The 7 Dwarfs made a visit to the Pope in Rome. Grumpy asked: "Your Holiness, are there any midget nuns in Italy?" The Pope said, " none at all." "Your Holiness, are there any midget nuns anywhere in the world?" The Pope answered "none at all". Happy then turned to Dopey and said: "You see, you screwed a penguin, not a midget nun."


1 Comments, 95 Views, 10 Votes ,3.78 Score
drcuddle61 63 M
3  Articles
92 year old stud   12/19/2005

One day, a 92 year old man goes to the doctor for his annual check up. He brags to the Dr. about having a 19 year old wife who is with . "What do ya think about that?, Doc." he boasted. <br> The doc thought for a moment and said "You remind me of another patient I have. He is in his late 80's and never misses opening day of pheasant hunting with his buddies. One fall day he ...


1 Comments, 102 Views, 8 Votes ,2.78 Score
StarGazerWomyn 70 F
139  Articles
Grey and His Two Bells - Astrological Compatibility   12/18/2005

A Wise Woman gave me a positively wicked idea. She suggested that I do a compatibilty chart between Grey and the Bell. I wasn't sure which one so I utililzed both Bells and did a Tri-Compatibility Chart. I will put a disclaimer because without birth times, the houses cannot be accurate but it does provide a scenerio and lots of humor. <br> Grey is a Gemini - A Mutable Sign. ...


6 Comments, 168 Views, 17 Votes ,0.01 Score
StarGazerWomyn 70 F
139  Articles
Deer Hunter gets his Just Deserts   12/17/2005

Of course, there is the story of the deer hunter gets up early, dresses quietly and packs his lunch He puts on his long johns and camouflage duds. He grabs his gun and starts to warm up his pick-up truck in anticipation of heading down to his favorite hunting area. <br> Suddenly the rain starts pouring down, It is a torrential downpour with snow mixed up in the rain. ...


1 Comments, 86 Views, 15 Votes ,0.68 Score
StarGazerWomyn 70 F
139  Articles
GreyBeard Is Pumpkin Nog for the Soul   12/17/2005

Greybeard is the King in Waiting patiently for his throne. I usually vote for Homeboy. My computer would not let me vote every twenty-four hours - but whenever I keep voting for Homeboy, I did so. I even went to the library so that I could keep voting for Homeboy. I admire his style. <br> Nevertheless, the more I inquire about Greybeard, the more I am convinced ...


3 Comments, 117 Views, 17 Votes ,0.01 Score
coby7777 82 F
80  Articles
winning at love   11/28/2005

To love someone is the most commonest thing in the world. It has been around for generations and generations, now, and noone has really grown tired of it. To win at love can be A very sacred, cherishable, honoured thing, one has ever done. fOR two people to have that special feeling for someone, thats what you call "winning at love"


1 Comments, 93 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
StarGazerWomyn 70 F
139  Articles
Excited about marriage   11/27/2005

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in. Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: <br> 'Are you the owner?' The pharmacist answers yes. <br> Says Jacob: 'We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?' ...


0 Comments, 87 Views, 15 Votes ,2.82 Score
coby7777 82 F
80  Articles
ladies beware   11/22/2005

Just heard on the news today that if you marry a devil's , you will have a devil's father-in-law.. Now take this which ever way you want, but we should be very careful, I would think. thankyou


1 Comments, 69 Views, 5 Votes ,3.80 Score
coby7777 82 F
80  Articles
open and honest   11/21/2005

First time you meet someone, you should apply humour, sensuality, and seriousness. One needs to know right away what the other is like.. Then there won"t be anything to wonder about and you should have a good idea if you could like that person.. Then each one will have a sense of who they will be dealing with, and if you want to go out togher again. tell the other if you got that ...


1 Comments, 71 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
StarGazerWomyn 70 F
139  Articles
Letter Sent To Guy Who Stood Me Up   10/29/2005

It has happened to me more times than I like to admit. My date doesn’t show or even bothers to call. The first time that happened, I sat on the floor and cried for about two hours. <br> It is dubious that a conservative military veteran and a freespirited astrologer can make a love connections. Nevertheless, we both love nature. A hiking buddy with benefits ...


0 Comments, 124 Views, 11 Votes ,1.11 Score
holly020361 69 F
17  Articles
You Can't Please Everyone   10/13/2005

An old man, a boy & a donkey were going to town. The boy rode on the donkey & the old man walked. As they went along they passed some people who remarked it was a shame the old man was walking & the boy was riding. The man & boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions. <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> Later, they passed ...


5 Comments, 178 Views, 12 Votes ,4.57 Score
holly020361 69 F
17  Articles
Friday! I'm Fishing   10/9/2005

The husband and wife go to a counselor after 15 years of marriage. The counselor asks them what the problem is and the wife goes into a tirade listing every problem they have ever had in the 15 years they've been married. She goes on and on and on. <br> Finally, the counselor gets up, goes around the desk, embraces the woman and kisses her passionately. The woman shuts up and ...


3 Comments, 172 Views, 12 Votes ,6.33 Score
Korallinda2 70 F
11  Articles
TOMORROW, BUT ONLY TOMORROW!   9/7/2005

I very happy: -NOW...I am with my really love....Live in USA, but...he speak to me that all time meet with me. -When? -Tomorrow. Answer to me always! tomorrow is the today.called of phone: -hello..you are in airport? -My dear, my love, now only, tomorrow.. 5 MONTHS OF TOMORROW! NEVER MY LOVE ...NEVER YESTERDAY...NEVER TODAY....BUT...HAVE TOMORROW! ...


2 Comments, 138 Views, 10 Votes ,2.19 Score
Katie_au_lait 76 F
9  Articles
The Silver Ladle   8/26/2005

John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful John's roommate Julie was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between John and his roommate, and this only made her more curious. <br> Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the ...


1 Comments, 128 Views, 7 Votes ,3.55 Score
Katie_au_lait 76 F
9  Articles
Be Careful What You Wish For!   8/2/2005

Be careful what you wish for! <br> <br> A couple had been debating buying a vehicle for weeks. <br> He wanted a truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town. <br> He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range. ...


1 Comments, 162 Views, 8 Votes ,4.64 Score
Katie_au_lait 76 F
9  Articles
Tying the Knot   8/2/2005

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Florida, are all >excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to >discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests >they go in. > > Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the >owner?" > > The pharmacist answers, "Yes." > > Jacob: "We're ...


1 Comments, 145 Views, 5 Votes ,4.77 Score
IntoTheWind4evr 73 F
7  Articles
Thirteen...   7/14/2005

A hot shot East Coast newspaper reporter was on assignment down South, when he struck up a conversation with a young lady in a bar. <br> After a half dozen drinks, he suggested they get their own bottle and retire to his motel room, and she readily agreed. <br> "Say, how old are you anyway?" the reporter asked as the obviously young lass was disrobing. ...


1 Comments, 156 Views, 9 Votes ,3.64 Score
IntoTheWind4evr 73 F
7  Articles
Sisters...   7/14/2005

There were 2 old-maid sisters... both virgins. <br> It's Friday night and Gladys looks at Betty and says, "I'm not going to die a virgin... I'm going out and I'm not coming home 'til I've been laid!!" <br> Betty says, "Well, make sure you're home by 10 so I don't worry about you." <br> 10 o'clock rolls around and there's no sign of Gladys... 11 ...


1 Comments, 133 Views, 8 Votes ,4.87 Score
IntoTheWind4evr 73 F
7  Articles
Making Love To...   7/11/2005

How can you tell if you're making love to a teacher, a nurse or an airline stewardess? <br> A teacher says we got to do this over and over again til we get it right. <br> A nurse says hold still this won't hurt a bit. <br> And a airline stewardness says put this over your mouth and nose and breathe normally.


1 Comments, 185 Views, 15 Votes ,4.05 Score
IntoTheWind4evr 73 F
7  Articles
Second Opinion...   7/9/2005

A doctor and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either, " and storms out of the house. After sometime he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and calls home. <br> She comes to the phone after many rings and the irritated husband says, "What took you so long to answer the phone?" ...


1 Comments, 179 Views, 14 Votes ,4.74 Score
holly020361 69 F
17  Articles
Today I didn't do it!!   7/3/2005

One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house. His three were outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp ...


2 Comments, 128 Views, 13 Votes ,4.99 Score
madebygranny 69 F
6  Articles
The Ten Dollar Jar   6/30/2005

A new guy in town walks into a bar and notices a very large jar behind the counter, which is filled to the brim with ten-dollar bills. The man guesses there must be thousands of dollars in it and approaches the bartender to ask: "What's up with the jar?" <br> Bartender: "Well, you pay ten dollars and if you pass three tests, then you get all the money." <br> Man: ...


2 Comments, 161 Views, 9 Votes ,4.28 Score
drew2 75 F
5  Articles
bumper sticker wisdom   6/25/2005

• If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer. >>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ • Horn Broken... Watch For Finger. >>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ • The Earth Is Full - Go Home. >>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ • I Have The Body Of A God - Buddha. >>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ <br> ...


1 Comments, 163 Views, 6 Votes ,5.07 Score
ray0146 69 M
7  Articles
2 birds, 1 stone   6/18/2005

Chief One Stone got his name from being injured in a battle years earlier. The word got aroung, "Don't mess with One Stone, for he may kill you". One evening, One Stone met Yellow Dove, a pretty indian madien. They talked, and had sex, which lasted for several hours. Later, Yellow Dove passed away. Later, the same day, he met Blue Bird, another lovely maiden. They too eventually ended up ...


1 Comments, 97 Views, 8 Votes ,0.93 Score
TreesandME 75 F
15  Articles
The Rules and Where Have You Been??   6/13/2005

Didn't post the 1st time...had a "no-no" word in it, I guess. <br> The Rules Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules: <br> "I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want-and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be ...


1 Comments, 88 Views, 3 Votes ,4.90 Score
TreesandME 75 F
15  Articles
The Rules and Where Have You Been?   6/13/2005

The Rules <br> Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules: <br> "I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want-and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and ...


1 Comments, 77 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
TreesandME 75 F
15  Articles
Money Talks!   6/12/2005

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer: <br> <br> "Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I'm supposed to promise to 'love, honor and obey' and 'be faithful to her forever, ' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that out." <br> <br> He passed the ...


1 Comments, 91 Views, 2 Votes ,4.50 Score
Dolcinea 71 F
1  Article
GOSH.... Looking Again!   6/11/2005

Anyone ever quit? Even married people look for soulmates outside the perimeters of their "professional" mates, and in perilious parts of their world. <br> It is written that marriage is like a besieged fortress. Those who are out are trying to get in; those who are in are trying to get out. <br> Scan the profiles: some demonstrate innocence, some are predators ...


1 Comments, 144 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
TreesandME 75 F
15  Articles
Payday...   6/11/2005

A man left for work one Friday afternoon. But it was payday, so instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire pay check. <br> When he finally appeared at home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally his wife stopped the nagging ...


1 Comments, 78 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
TreesandME 75 F
15  Articles
Social Security   6/10/2005

A retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply for Social Security. <br> The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. "I will have to go home and come back later." The ...


1 Comments, 119 Views, 3 Votes ,4.90 Score
TreesandME 75 F
15  Articles
The Mistress...   6/9/2005

A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when an absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, tells him she'll see him later, and walks away. His wife glares at him and says, "Who was that??!!" <br> "Oh" replies the husband, "that was my mistress." "That's it, " says the wife, "I want a divorce." <br> ...


1 Comments, 110 Views, 8 Votes ,4.87 Score
TreesandME 75 F
15  Articles
Viagra Coffee...   6/8/2005

This elderly lady went to the doctor for a checkup. Everything checked out fine. The old lady pulled the doctor to the side and said, "Doctor, I haven't had sex for years now, and I was wondering how I can increase my husband's sex drive." <br> The doctor smiled and said, "Have you tried to give him Viagra?" <br> The lady frowned. "Doctor, I can't even get him to take ...


1 Comments, 140 Views, 8 Votes ,4.41 Score
TreesandME 75 F
15  Articles
Girrrlllllll......   6/8/2005

A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked, "Is my time up"? God said, "No. you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live." <br> Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a facelift, Liposuction and tummy tuck. Since she had so much ...


1 Comments, 92 Views, 5 Votes ,4.12 Score
TreesandME 75 F
15  Articles
Work Out and Feel Better...   6/7/2005

The Doctor told me I should start an exercise program. Not wanting to harm this old body, I've devised the following: <br> MONDAYS <br> Beat around the bush Jump to conclusions Climb the walls Wade through the morning paper <br> TUESDAYS <br> Drag my heels Push my luck Make Mountains out of mole hills Hit the nail on the head <br> ...


1 Comments, 78 Views, 3 Votes ,2.45 Score
discreetday2 66 M
5  Articles
Old flames   6/3/2005

When does it become acceptable to make a joke about a girl's "ex jerk" or old flame. It seems okay for her to tear him to pieces, but sometimes if you put in a dig, she amazingly comes to his defense. is it best to simply listen and nod when these discussions take place?


2 Comments, 161 Views, 4 Votes ,0.53 Score
madebygranny 69 F
6  Articles
PSYCHOLOGY ROMANCE   5/29/2005

PSYCHOLOGY ROMANCE & MATHEMATICS Smart man + smart woman = romance Smart man + dumb woman = affair Dumb man + smart woman = marriage Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy OFFICE ARITHMETIC Smart boss + smart employee = profit Smart boss + dumb employee = production Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime SHOPPING MATH A ...


1 Comments, 236 Views, 16 Votes ,4.16 Score
holly020361 69 F
17  Articles
Are women good or what??   5/24/2005

A fifteen year-old boy came home with a Porsche and his parents <br> began to yell and scream, "Where did you get that car???!!!" He calmly told them, "I bought it today." "With what money?" demanded his parents. We know what a Porsche costs." Well, " said the boy, "this one cost me fifteen dollars." ...


2 Comments, 1207 Views, 134 Votes ,6.89 Score
TheONEnONLY 66 F
3  Articles
More Fish in the Sea??   5/21/2005

As you cruize the pages of this Online "Mail order Bride/Groom"..... Just remember, don't be to quick to say "Theres plenty more fish in the sea!" ...At our age.....We are quickly running out of bait!!! LOL, ROFLMAO!!!!


2 Comments, 206 Views, 8 Votes ,4.17 Score
holly020361 69 F
17  Articles
The new Pastor   5/10/2005

A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a card and wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in the door. When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it ...


7 Comments, 1289 Views, 169 Votes ,6.56 Score
holly020361 69 F
17  Articles
The blonde and the Coke Machine   5/3/2005

There was a beautiful young blonde who was going to a soda machine and she arrived there just before a business man coming to quench his thirst. She opened her purse and put in 50 cents, studied the machine a little, pushed a Diet Coke selection, and out came a Diet Coke which she placed on a counter by the machine. Then she reached in her purse again and pulled out a dollar and ...


2 Comments, 473 Views, 39 Votes ,4.54 Score
holly020361 69 F
17  Articles
The Affair!   4/30/2005

The Affair <br> <br> A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly afterward, she told him that she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there. <br> <br> "But how will I let you know the baby is born?" she asked. <br> <br> "Just send me a ...


4 Comments, 1072 Views, 128 Votes ,6.45 Score
CaptainMidnight 69 M
1  Article
Fickle friends   4/30/2005

A man comes home early from work, only to find his wife in bed with his best friend. The cuckold says to his wife, "This is most humiliating". To the best friend, he says "Bad dog".


1 Comments, 196 Views, 7 Votes ,2.02 Score
mrfixx 77 M
1  Article
fairy tales   4/26/2005

DO you know the difference between a fairy tale and a truck drivers story? A fairy tale starts out with "once upon a time" and a truck drivers story starts out with "you aint gonna beleive this sh-t"


1 Comments, 153 Views, 7 Votes ,2.02 Score
drew2 75 F
5  Articles
keeping it simple..   4/13/2005

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be almost instantly removed. <br> 2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away. <br> 3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using ...


0 Comments, 160 Views, 8 Votes ,4.87 Score
drew2 75 F
5  Articles
state-of-the-art technology..   3/26/2005

An American an Japanese and an Irishman <br> <br> Three men, one American, one Japanese and an Irishman were sitting naked in a sauna. Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The American pressed his forearm and the beep stopped. The others looked at him questioningly. "That was my pager, " he said, "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm." A few minutes later a ...


1 Comments, 569 Views, 46 Votes ,4.24 Score
drew2 75 F
5  Articles
new english words   3/6/2005

some funny new made-up words sent through e-mail: <br> Dopeler effect (n): the tendence of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come very quickly. <br> Arachnoleptic fit (n): the frantic dance performed just after you've accidently walked through a spider web. <br> Karmageddon (n): it's like, when everybody is sending all of these really bad vibes, right? and ...


1 Comments, 124 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
drew2 75 F
5  Articles
masculine vs feminine   3/4/2005

this joke has been circulating through cyberspace: <br> a spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in spanish, unlike in english, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. "house" for instance, is feminine: "la case". "Pencil", however, is masculine: "el lapiz". A student asked, "what gender is "computer"? instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the ...


1 Comments, 203 Views, 5 Votes ,4.77 Score
kag0113 72 F
56  Articles
Letter to the Wrong Wife...   2/19/2005

A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a long weekend to thaw out during one particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years ago. Because both had jobs, they found it difficult coordinating their travel schedules. It was decided that the husband would fly to Florida on a Thursday, and his wife would follow him ...


1 Comments, 161 Views, 15 Votes ,6.65 Score
jmcd 64 F
6  Articles
Something to think about....   2/15/2005

A Florida couple, both well into their 70's, go to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asks, "What can I do for you?" The man says, "Will you watch us have sex?" The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees. When the couple finishes, the doctor says, "There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have ...


1 Comments, 176 Views, 17 Votes ,6.80 Score
zekearooni 65 M
1  Article
The SFF Game   2/14/2005

This could be the result of early dementia, but... what if we could be on the the SFF Game, kinda like the old "Dating Game, " except it's for grandparents, or AARP members who who are seeking compatible others for their geriatric years. Dink Winkerson would be the host, with Thrillist Diller as his side kick. (Her job would be to slap anyone who fell asleep, or flash at someone who looked ...


3 Comments, 282 Views, 10 Votes ,2.79 Score
jmcd 64 F
6  Articles
Humor   2/14/2005

A man in Denver decided to write a book about churches around the country. He started by flying to San Francisco, and started working east from there. Going to a very large church, he began taking photographs and making notes. He spotted a golden telephone on the vestibule wall and was intrigued with a sign, which read "$10, 000 a minute." Seeking out the pastor, he asked about the ...


1 Comments, 346 Views, 44 Votes ,5.46 Score
r4jane 75,1978 C
1  Article
who got the last laugh   2/12/2005

Adam was talking to god in the garden of eden and told him he was feeling lonely. God told adam he could make him a companion that would pamper to his every need and whim.Cook for him, clean for him, share his worries and pain and still have time to satisfy his every desire, but it would cost him an arm and a leg. Adam thought about it for a while and then said to god that the price was ...


1 Comments, 128 Views, 10 Votes ,2.99 Score
jmcd 64 F
6  Articles
Texas Humor   2/9/2005

Survivor, Texas Style <br> Due to the popularity of the Survivor shows, Texas is planning to do one entitled, "Survivor-Texas Style." The contestants will all start in Dallas, then drive to Waco, Austin, San Antonio, over to Houston and down to Brownsville. They will then proceed up to Del Rio, El Paso, Midland, Odessa, Lubbock and Amarillo. From there they will go on to ...


1 Comments, 103 Views, 7 Votes ,3.04 Score
jmcd 64 F
6  Articles
Humor   2/4/2005

A father walks into a book store with his young . The boy is holding a quarter. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the quarter and starts panicking, shouting for help. A well dressed, attractive and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup ...


1 Comments, 136 Views, 12 Votes ,5.45 Score
kag0113 72 F
56  Articles
Don’t Mess with Grandma!   1/29/2005

An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her voice, "I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!" <br> The four men didn't wait for a second invitation. They got out and ran like mad. The ...


1 Comments, 872 Views, 103 Votes ,7.86 Score
JoyHopeLove 69 F
2  Articles
OMGGG.......he was too cute!!   1/25/2005

When I was living in Australia I got involved in a very sweet relationship with a man who was 10 years younger than me. (Now over in Australia men AND women really dont seem to get too hung up on age) We shared many of the day to day things such as meal preparation. We also got into some wonderful discussions after evening tea. One evening we were discussing humor and how in different ...


1 Comments, 100 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
kag0113 72 F
56  Articles
25 SIGNS THAT YOU'VE GROWN UP   1/23/2005

1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them. <br> 2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question. <br> 3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge. <br> 4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed. <br> 5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator. <br> 6. You watch the Weather Channel. <br> 7. ...


2 Comments, 256 Views, 31 Votes ,6.59 Score
kag0113 72 F
56  Articles
A Grandchild's Freckles   1/22/2005

An elderly woman and her little grandson, whose face was sprinkled with bright freckles, spent the day at the zoo. Lots of were waiting in line to get their cheeks painted by a local artist who was decorating them with tiger paws. <br> "You've got so many freckles, there's no place to paint!" a girl in the line said to the little fella. Embarrassed, the little boy dropped his ...


1 Comments, 46 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
kag0113 72 F
56  Articles
Grandma's Childhood   1/22/2005

A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like. "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods." <br> The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"


1 Comments, 41 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
kag0113 72 F
56  Articles
Grandma & God   1/22/2005

My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" <br> I mentally polished my halo while I asked, "No, how are we alike?" <br> "You're both old, " he said.


1 Comments, 78 Views, 11 Votes ,4.48 Score
kag0113 72 F
56  Articles
Grandma's Age   1/22/2005

When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied "I'm not sure." <br> "Look in your underwear, Grandma, " he advised. "Mine says I'm four."


1 Comments, 59 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
kag0113 72 F
56  Articles
Learning the Ten Commandments   1/22/2005

A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was. <br> Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, Thou shall not take the covers off thy neighbor's wife."


1 Comments, 54 Views, 6 Votes ,3.08 Score
kag0113 72 F
56  Articles
20,000 Leaks   1/22/2005

Our five-year-old Mark couldn't wait to tell his friend about the movie we had watched on television, "20, 000 Leagues Under the Sea." <br> The scenes with the submarine and the giant octopus had kept him wide-eyed. In the middle of the telling, my husband interrupted Mark, "What caused the submarine to sink?" <br> With a look of incredulity Mark replied, "Dad, it ...


1 Comments, 40 Views, 5 Votes ,3.80 Score
kag0113 72 F
56  Articles
Learning to Make Babies   1/22/2005

A second grader came home from school and said to her mother, "Mom, guess what? We learned how to make babies today." <br> The mother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting, " she said. "How do you make babies?" <br> "It's simple, " replied the girl. "You just change "y" to "i" and add "es." <br> (Why wouldn't an English ...


1 Comments, 115 Views, 20 Votes ,3.64 Score
kag0113 72 F
56  Articles
The Pregnant Fireman   1/22/2005

" Give me a sentence about a public servant, " said a teacher. <br> The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant." <br> The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked. <br> Sure, " said the young boy confidently. "It means carrying a ."


1 Comments, 105 Views, 6 Votes ,3.37 Score
kag0113 72 F
56  Articles
Coffee for Grandma   1/22/2005

A grandmother was surprised by her 7 year old grandson one morning. He had made her coffee. She drank what was the worst cup of coffee in her life. <br> When she got to the bottom, there were three of those little green Army men in the cup. <br> She said "Honey, what are these army men doing in my coffee?" <br> Her grandson said, "Grandma, it says on ...


1 Comments, 65 Views, 4 Votes ,2.47 Score
kag0113 72 F
56  Articles
Job Description for a Dalmatian   1/22/2005

A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The started discussing the dog's duties. <br> "They use him to keep crowds back, " said one youngster. <br> "No, " said another, "he's just for good luck" <br> A third brought the ...


1 Comments, 59 Views, 5 Votes ,5.10 Score
kag0113 72 F
56  Articles
Golden Anniversary   1/17/2005

One day Ole and Lars met for coffee at the local restaurant. After visiting awhile, Lars said, "Ole, I hear your 50th wedding anniversary is coming up. Are you doing something special to celebrate?" <br> Ole answered, "Yes, I guess so. On our 25th anniversary, I took Lena to visit Norway, and we had a really good time. I thought for our 50th anniversary, I'd go back and pick ...


1 Comments, 59 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
kag0113 72 F
56  Articles
Texans in Heaven   1/16/2005

For those of you who do live or have lived in Texas, and those of you who are their friends ... <br> <br> Gabriel came to the Lord and said, "I have to talk to you, I have some Texans up here in Heaven who are causing some problems. They are swinging on the Pearly Gates, my horn is missing, barbecue sauce is all over their robes, ham hock, sparerib, and pig feet bones ...


1 Comments, 67 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
kag0113 72 F
56  Articles
Simple Logic   1/16/2005

1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those littlebottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE <br> 2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool? <br> 3. OK.... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs, " what ...


1 Comments, 67 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
kag0113 72 F
56  Articles
Why Men are Dogs and Women are Cats   1/16/2005

How Many Dogs Does It Take to Change A Light Bulb? 1. Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb? <br> 2. Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code. <br> 3. Dachshund: You know I can't reach that ...


1 Comments, 68 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
kag0113 72 F
56  Articles
Harold Was an Old Man   1/16/2005

Harold was an old man. He was sick and in a nursing home. <br> There was one young nurse that just drove him crazy. Every time she came in, she would talk to him like he was a little . She would say in a patronizing tone of voice, "And how are we doing this morning, or are we ready for a bath, or are we hungry?" Old Harold had had enough of this particular nurse. <br> ...


1 Comments, 38 Views, 0 Votes
kag0113 72 F
56  Articles
Ramblings of a Retired Mind   1/16/2005

Ramblings of a Retired Mind - <br> <br> <br> I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped on. I can't afford one. So, I'm wearing my garage door opener. <br> You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn't like me anyway. <br> I was thinking that women ...


1 Comments, 36 Views, 0 Votes
kag0113 72 F
56  Articles
A Carrot, an Egg and a cup of Coffee   1/15/2005

There's a reason I like coffee <br> <br> A carrot, an egg and a cup of coffee... You will never look at a cup of coffee the same way again. <br> A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as ...


2 Comments, 75 Views, 4 Votes ,4.80 Score
kag0113 72 F
56  Articles
Don't Be Late!!!   1/14/2005

Don't be late! <br> <br> A parish priest was being honored at a dinner on the twenty-fifth anniversary of his arrival in that parish. A leading local politician, who was a member of the congregation, was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner, but he was delayed in traffic, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they ...


1 Comments, 48 Views, 3 Votes ,1.96 Score
kag0113 72 F
56  Articles
Grandma's Birth Control   1/14/2005

A doctor who had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most of her life finally retired. At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her. A doctor who had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most of her life finally retired. At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring list of all the medicines that had been ...


1 Comments, 65 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
kag0113 72 F
56  Articles
Fear the Word!   1/14/2005

An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of religious service when she was startled by an intruder. As she caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables, she yelled, "Stop! Acts 2:38!" <br> The burglar stopped dead in his tracks. Then the woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done. <br> As the officer cuffed ...


1 Comments, 43 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
kag0113 72 F
56  Articles
IDIOTS AT WORK   1/14/2005

I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature I had just signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front of her. She ...


1 Comments, 76 Views, 5 Votes ,5.10 Score
sunrisenewday 55 F
2  Articles
Bumper Stickers We'd Like to See   1/14/2005

Jesus loves you ... but everyone else thinks you're an ass. <br> <br>   <br> Impotence:  nature's way of saying, "No hard feelings." <br> <br>   <br> The proctologist called.  They found your head. <br> <br>   <br> Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted. <br> <br>   ...


1 Comments, 65 Views, 7 Votes ,2.79 Score
kag0113 72 F
56  Articles
A Cat Story....   1/9/2005

You don't have to own a cat to appreciate this one... <br> A couple was dressed and ready to go out for the evening. They turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on the phone line, covered their pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard. <br> They phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and the couple opened the front ...


2 Comments, 116 Views, 3 Votes ,1.47 Score
kag0113 72 F
56  Articles
Don't Fart in Bed   1/7/2005

(If this story doesn't make you cry for laughing so hard, let me know and I will pray for you. Beware - sit down and make sure you have nothing in your mouth before reading. We can't have you falling over or choking!) <br> This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every ...


1 Comments, 218 Views, 21 Votes ,5.23 Score
kag0113 72 F
56  Articles
Four Parrots   1/7/2005

A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing." <br> "What do they say?" the priest inquired. <br> They say, "Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?" <br> "That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed. You know, " he said, "I have two male talking ...


1 Comments, 112 Views, 12 Votes ,5.80 Score
kag0113 72 F
56  Articles
Inanimate Gender   1/7/2005

You may not know that many non-living things have a gender. <br> For example... <br> Ziploc Bags Male <br> They hold everything in, but you can see right through them. <br> <br> Copiers Female <br> Once turned off, it takes a while to warm them up again. It's an effective reproductive device if the right ...


1 Comments, 118 Views, 5 Votes ,5.10 Score
eastmountains 79 F
14  Articles
Passing this on !!   1/2/2005

Here's a good joke to get everyone's weekend start off right! A lady walks into a drug store and tells the pharmacist she needs some cyanide. The pharmacist said, "Why do you need cyanide?" The lady then explained she needed it to poison her husband. The pharmacist's eyes got big and he said, "Lord have mercy, I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the ...


3 Comments, 776 Views, 106 Votes ,6.40 Score
Adventrimax 73 M
18  Articles
Mistakes I Won't Make Again, Maybe   12/23/2004

After she spends a lot of time and money at the beauty parlor, I will never put the top down on the car when we go out.....even if it was an improvement. Even if she likes the wine, she gets two glasses and that's it. I won't leave her to sit in on stage when the guitarist doesn't show up. I've found taking the pets along on dates usually doesn't work out for the pets. When she makes that ...


2 Comments, 113 Views, 13 Votes ,1.47 Score
Sandra_LM 60 F
7  Articles
Not a good day for Santa   12/7/2004

When four of Santa's elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones, Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. <br> Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more. <br> When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about ...


1 Comments, 74 Views, 8 Votes ,4.41 Score
Fitramon 73 M
7  Articles
Simple Sims.   12/5/2004

I have the experience. There are many people on the net. They all want to have good friends, be nice partners and are outgoing and with many interests. Just like it were the ideal Atlantida.But what about when one enters the room! Only silence, and humor and all are laughing and ful of knowledge end joy. Is that the life? Are we really such a simple Sims ???


1 Comments, 33 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
frenchsalsa2 76 F
29  Articles
First Date   12/1/2004

First date <br> We have all had bad dates...but this takes the cake. This just tells you how tough it is to be single nowadays. <br> This was on the "Tonight Show" with Jay Leno. Jay went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience. There was absolutely no question as to why her ...


0 Comments, 33 Views, 9 Votes ,4.07 Score
Sandra_LM 60 F
7  Articles
Wishing For   11/28/2004

A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man! "Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her. Little Johnny ran into his room, took off ...


1 Comments, 23 Views, 5 Votes ,3.47 Score
Sandra_LM 60 F
7  Articles
THE EULOGY   11/28/2004

She married and had 13 . Her husband died. She married again and had 7 more . Again, her husband died. But, she remarried and this time had 5 more . Alas, she finally died. Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her. He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, "Lord, they're finally together." <br> One mourner leaned over and quietly asked her ...


1 Comments, 44 Views, 7 Votes ,4.31 Score
SFMaven 52 F
6  Articles
May-December Romance   11/28/2004

When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady sitting on a park bench sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong. She said, "I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee." <br> I said, "Well, then why are you crying?" <br> She said, "He ...


1 Comments, 30 Views, 6 Votes ,4.79 Score
SFMaven 52 F
6  Articles
Time for Name Tags   11/28/2004

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. <br> One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me....I know we've been friends for a long time.....but I just can't ...


1 Comments, 40 Views, 5 Votes ,2.82 Score
SFMaven 52 F
6  Articles
My Senility Prayer   11/28/2004

Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, <br> The good fortune to run into the ones I do, <br> And the eyesight to tell the difference.


0 Comments, 33 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
Kassr
12  Articles
Women don't give Mixed Signals!   11/26/2004

Since the subject of “mixed signals” was brought up by the ladies, some of whom admitting that ladies do this while a few seem to be in a fog and deny it, I assume the topic is fair game. I have been waiting for this topic like a hungry wolf! <br> To say that ladies give “mixed signals” is an understatement! And any woman that denies that this is the one ...


1 Comments, 44 Views, 7 Votes ,4.82 Score
marilynwp 78 F
6  Articles
How To Decide Who To Marry!   11/26/2004

( 1 ) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. -- Alan, age 10 <br> ( 2 ) No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with. -- Kirsten, ...


1 Comments, 36 Views, 4 Votes ,4.02 Score
frenchsalsa2 76 F
29  Articles
Signs that you've grown up!   11/20/2004

SIGNS THAT YOU'VE GROWN UP: <br> 1. Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them. 2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question. 3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge. 4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed. 5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator. 6. You watch the Weather Channel. 7. Your friends marry and divorce instead ...


0 Comments, 43 Views, 40 Votes ,6.67 Score
frenchsalsa2 76 F
29  Articles
Call the Shots!   11/20/2004

A new nurse listened while Dr. Blake was yelling, "Typhoid! Tetanus! Measles!" The new nurse asked another nurse, "Why is he doing that?" The other nurse replied, "Oh, he just likes to call the shots around here."


0 Comments, 27 Views, 8 Votes ,2.32 Score
frenchsalsa2 76 F
29  Articles
Tollbooth Humor!   11/20/2004

When the driver of a huge trailer lost control of his rig, he plowed into an empty toll booth and smashed it to bits. <br> Unhurt, he climbed down from the cab and looked around. In minutes, a repair truck pulled up and discharged a crew of workers. <br> The men from the crew each picked up a broken piece of the former tollbooth and spread some kind of creamy substance ...


0 Comments, 23 Views, 9 Votes ,1.72 Score
nemo51 72 F
7  Articles
The Silent Treatment   11/13/2004

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he ...


4 Comments, 70 Views, 12 Votes ,5.27 Score
Sandra_LM 60 F
7  Articles
Pearly Gates   11/11/2004

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. "In honor of this holy season, " Saint Peter said, "you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven." The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. It represents a candle, he said. You may pass through the pearly gates Saint Peter ...


1 Comments, 33 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
Goodsoul51 72 M
20  Articles
Goodsoul51"s Money saving tips 4 Seniors   11/11/2004

A couple, both age 76, went to a sex therapist's office. The doctor <br> asked, "What can I do for you?" <br> <br> The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?" The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. <br> When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse, " and charged them $50. ...


0 Comments, 31 Views, 8 Votes ,4.87 Score
Dragonheartxp 67 M
2  Articles
Blow-Up Dolls   11/7/2004

I was in the chat room and someone mentioned a blow-up doll...well let me tell you about blow-up dolls. I was feeling lonely so I bought one...never reading the instructions (guy thing) I used shop air (120psi) to inflate her...KA-POW...well rats, reads inflating instructions, ok now do not exceed 2 psi, oppsss. So I got another one...this time all is well inflating her....got her outta the ...


2 Comments, 87 Views, 19 Votes ,7.74 Score
nemo51 72 F
7  Articles
Gotta love it!   11/4/2004

A preacher goes to a nursing home to meet an elderly parishioner. <br> He notices a bowl of peanuts beside her bed. He takes one. <br> As they talk, he can't help himself and eats one after another. <br> By the time they are through talking, the bowl is empty. <br> He says, "Ma'am, I'm so sorry, but I seem to have eaten all of your peanuts." ...


2 Comments, 31 Views, 5 Votes ,3.47 Score
RedheadedAngel4u 63 F
14  Articles
Personal Ads...What women really mean!!!! LOL   11/3/2004

Women Lies……in the personals and what they really mean <br> 40ish ….................49 Adventurous……… Slept with everyone Athletic……………No**** Average Looking…..Ugly Beautiful….Pathological liar Contagious smile……Dose a lot of pills Emotionally secure…On ...


1 Comments, 31 Views, 10 Votes ,2.79 Score
frenchsalsa2 76 F
29  Articles
Recent study   11/1/2004

WOMEN'S ASS SIZE STUDY <br> There is a new study out about women and how they feel about their ass! I thought the results were pretty interesting: <br> 85% of women think their ass is too big... 10% of women think their ass is too little... The other 5% say that they don't care, they love him, he's a good man, and they would have married him anyway.


0 Comments, 33 Views, 7 Votes ,4.57 Score
frenchsalsa2 76 F
29  Articles
GOTCHA!   11/1/2004

A man calls home to his wife and says, "Honey I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss & several of his friends. We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting so could you please pack enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and tackle box. We're leaving from the office & I will swing by the house to pick my ...


0 Comments, 19 Views, 12 Votes ,6.33 Score
frenchsalsa2 76 F
29  Articles
The Gentleman   11/1/2004

A very elderly gentleman, (mid nineties) very well dressed, hair well groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel smelling slightly of a good after shave, presenting a well looked after image, walks into an upscale cocktail lounge. Seated at the bar is an elderly looking lady, (mid eighties). The gentleman walks over, sits along side of her, orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to her ...


0 Comments, 22 Views, 5 Votes ,5.10 Score
frenchsalsa2 76 F
29  Articles
Perception?   11/1/2004

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm. A couple of days later the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?" Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.' " The doctor said, "I didn't say that. ...


0 Comments, 50 Views, 5 Votes ,5.10 Score
CazAna 73 F
1  Article
**Soulmates In Cyber Space**   10/31/2004

This was written in a frustrated moment by a friend of mine who used to be a member of SFF. She no longer frequents the site, but she left me this poem to ponder over after having had many men lie and fabricate stories to her ........ However, we are fully aware that this can also happen both ways, so any male out there who wishes to put his two bob's worth in, feel free..........(smiling) ...


1 Comments, 129 Views, 28 Votes ,7.04 Score
Goodsoul51 72 M
20  Articles
Jokes from the Goodsoul51 laughs 9   10/27/2004

True Doctor Stories > > A man comes into the ER and yells, > "My wife's going to > have her baby in the > cab!" I grabbed my stuff, > rushed out to the cab, > lifted the lady's --Dress, > and began to take off her > underwear. ...


0 Comments, 26 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
Goodsoul51 72 M
20  Articles
Jokes from the Goodsoul51 Laughs 7   10/27/2004

How many Aries does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but it takes a lot of light bulbs. <br> . How many Tauruses does it take to change a light bulb? What, me move? <br> . How many Geminis does it take to change a light bulb? II <br> . How many Cancers does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but he has to bring his ...


0 Comments, 41 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
Goodsoul51 72 M
20  Articles
Humour from Goodsoul51 laughs6   10/27/2004

this!" > > DRESS-UP > > A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw >her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that >suit." "And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a >headache the next morning." > > DEATH > > While walking along the sidewalk in front of his ...


0 Comments, 34 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
Goodsoul51 72 M
20  Articles
Humour From Goodsoul51- Lauighs 2   10/27/2004

Notes For The Milkman <br> These are actual notes left for the Milkman. <br> "Dear Milkman, I've just had a baby, please leave another one." <br> "Please leave an extra pint of paralyzed milk." <br> "Please don't leave any more milk. All they do is drink it." <br> "Sorry not to have paid your bill before, but my wife had a baby, ...


0 Comments, 23 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
Goodsoul51 72 M
20  Articles
Humour From Goodsoul51 - Laughs 3   10/27/2004

<br> % <br> Why We Love > > > NUDITY > > I was driving with my three young one warm summer evening when >a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark >naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from >the back-seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!" > > ...


0 Comments, 19 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
Goodsoul51 72 M
20  Articles
Humour From Goodsoul51 - Laughs 4   10/27/2004

> > OPINIONS > > On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note >from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this are >not necessarily those of his parents." > > KETCHUP > > A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the jar. >During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her ...


0 Comments, 30 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
Goodsoul51 72 M
20  Articles
Jokes from the Goodsoul51 Laughs 8   10/27/2004

This one comes from my Pagan friends <br> <br> One day, three men were hiking and unexpectedly came upon a large, raging, violent river. They needed to get to the other side, but had no idea of how to do so. The first man prayed to Woden, saying, "Please Woden, give me the strength to cross this river." <br> Poof! <br> Woden gave him big ...


0 Comments, 36 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
Goodsoul51 72 M
20  Articles
Humour From Goodsoul51-Laughs 1   10/27/2004

Church Bulletins <br> Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services: <br> 1. Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa. <br> 2. Announcement in a church bulletin for a ...


0 Comments, 40 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
Goodsoul51 72 M
20  Articles
Halloween Humour from Goodsoul51   10/27/2004

Ten Signs You Are Too Old For Halloween <br> You get winded from knocking on the door <br> You have to have someone chew the candy for you <br> You ask for high fiber candy only. <br> When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over. <br> People say, "Great Keith Richards mask!" and you're not wearing ...


0 Comments, 29 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
Goodsoul51 72 M
20  Articles
Jokes from the Goodsoul51 laughs 10   10/27/2004

You can't read this and stay in a bad mood! <br> <br> <br> 1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit? <br> Unique Up On It. <br> <br> 2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit? <br> Tame Way, Unique Up On It. <br> <br> 3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest? <br> They Take The Psycho Path ...


0 Comments, 30 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
Goodsoul51 72 M
20  Articles
Jokes from the Goodsoul51 laughs 11   10/27/2004

A five year old and a four year old are upstairs in their bedroom. "You know what?" says the five year old, "I think it's about time we start swearing." The four year old nods his head in approval. The 5 year old continues, "When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm gonna say "hell", and you say "ass", okay?" The four year old agrees with enthusiasm. <br> <br> ...


0 Comments, 28 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
Goodsoul51 72 M
20  Articles
Jokes from the Goodsoul51 Laughs 12   10/27/2004

> > Subject: An affair or two or six > > > > > > > The First Affair > > > > > > A married man was having an affair with his secretary. > > > > > > One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, > > > where they made passionate love all afternoon. > > > > > > ...


0 Comments, 19 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
Goodsoul51 72 M
20  Articles
Jokes from the Goodsoul51 Laughs 13   10/27/2004

Subject: Moses at the airport >Date: Sat, 7 Feb 2004 11:00:43 -0400 > >Moses at the airport > >Recently while going through an airport during one of his many trips, > >President Bush encountered a man with long hair, wearing a white robe and >sandals, holding a staff. > >President Bush went up to the man and said, "Aren't you Moses?" ...


0 Comments, 36 Views, 3 Votes ,1.96 Score
Goodsoul51 72 M
20  Articles
Jokes from the Goodsoul51 Laughs 14   10/27/2004

SCRABBLE <br> This has got to be one of the most clever E-mails. Someone out there either has too much spare time or is deadly at Scrabble. (wait till you see the last one)! <br> GEORGE BUSH: When you rearrange the letters: HE BUGS GORE <br> DORMITORY: When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROOM <br> EVANGELIST: When you rearrange ...


0 Comments, 15 Views, 4 Votes ,2.47 Score
Goodsoul51 72 M
20  Articles
Jokes from the Goodsoul51 Laughs 15   10/27/2004

PEST CONTROL <br> A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly. "Quick, " said the woman to her lover, " into the closet!" and she pushed him in the closet, stark naked. <br> The husband, however, became suspicious and ...


0 Comments, 45 Views, 8 Votes ,4.41 Score
lookingfory1944 73 F
1  Article
Understanding Women   10/23/2004

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden he said out loud, Lord, grant me one wish.suddenly the sky clouded above his head, and in a booming voice the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish". The man said, "Build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want to". The Lord said, Your ...


1 Comments, 75 Views, 9 Votes ,4.49 Score
Sandra_LM 60 F
7  Articles
Games for Old People   10/21/2004

1. Sag, You're it 2. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy. 3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear. 4. Kick the bucket 5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over. 6. Doc Goose. 7. Simon says something incoherent. 8. Hide and go pee. 9. Spin the Bottle of Mylanta 10. Musical recliners.


1 Comments, 37 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
ray0146 69 M
7  Articles
One Smart Bird   10/13/2004

A man went to visit his long time friend that he had not seen in several years. After his friend showed him around the place they entered the den,where he saw a beautiful pariot in a very large cage. "What a marvelous feathered friend you have",he remarked. "Yep,and he talks and does tricks too". The visitor noticed a string tied to each of the birds legs and ask,"what are the strings for"? Oh ...


1 Comments, 40 Views, 5 Votes ,5.75 Score
mailmanret 66 M
1  Article
Can't Get Into Heaven   10/12/2004

Three ministers and their wives were riding in a car and got into an accident. They all were killed and went to Heaven. God said to the first minister " I'm not letting you into Heaven " and the minister asked "Why". God replied, " Because all you think about is Money, Money Money!! "That's all you think about". " You think about it so much that you married a woman named Penny so I'm not ...


1 Comments, 44 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
Still57AndFine 71 M
15  Articles
Preacher's Donkey   10/10/2004

Preacher's Donkey A man bought a donkey from a preacher. The preacher told the man that this donkey had been trained in a very unique way (being the donkey of a preacher). The only way to make the donkey go, is to say, "Hallelujah!" <br> The only way to make the donkey stop, is to say, "Amen!" <br> The man was pleased with his purchase and immediately got on the animal to ...


1 Comments, 44 Views, 11 Votes ,6.16 Score
Still57AndFine 71 M
15  Articles
Singing In Church   10/6/2004

Singing In Church A minister decided to try something a little different one Sunday morning. He said, "Today, in church, I am going to say a single word and you are going to help me preach. Whatever single word I say, I want you to sing whatever hymn comes to your mind." The pastor shouted out, "Cross!" Immediately the congregation started singing in unison "The Old Rugged Cross." The ...


1 Comments, 38 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
ray0146 69 M
7  Articles
I Get Just As Much   10/6/2004

What did the bathtub say to the commode??? "Look buddy, I get just as much A-- as you do, only I don't have to put up with all that S---!".


1 Comments, 57 Views, 2 Votes ,1.04 Score
ray0146 69 M
7  Articles
What Was That For???   10/2/2004

An old couple maw and paw, were on the front porch.Paw in his rocking chair, whittleing, maw in her rocking chair, knitting. Moments pass and Maw reaches over and slaps paw in back of the head, knocking him off the porch and into the rose bushes. He finally struggles back to his chair and says to maw."what was that for?", she replies, "For haveing such a small one". About 30 minutes late, ...


1 Comments, 67 Views, 14 Votes ,6.18 Score
ray0146 69 M
7  Articles
TOMMY and HIS TRAIN   10/1/2004

Little Tommy was playing with his new electric train set in the livingroom floor. As it passed the little station, he tooted the horn.Passing the station again, he stopped the train and said, "All you Mother F---ers that want off, better get off now". Starting the train up again, he stopped the train on the opposite side of the track and said, "All you S.O.B.'s that want on, now is ...


1 Comments, 39 Views, 9 Votes ,2.78 Score
ray0146 69 M
7  Articles
The Talking Dog   9/30/2004

A man driving down a neighborhood street spotted a sign on a fence, "TALKING DOG, $10.00". The man stopped and ask if the sign was for real. The owner said, "Sure, he is in the back yard, go see for yoursef". The man and did so. As he approached the dog, the said, "HELLO, HOW ARE YOU TODAY?". The man began to question the animal. "So, when did you learn to talk?". the replied, "At an early ...


1 Comments, 34 Views, 7 Votes ,4.06 Score
ray0146 69 M
7  Articles
Struttin Your Stuff   9/26/2004

A young man took his girlfriend to her first baseball game. In the 1st inning the batter takEs his place. The picher throws..."Strike one" says the umpire.Then he yells out, "Ball one", then another strike, and the ball is hit... The young man stands up and shouts, "Run, Run", "Darling", says the girlfirend, I don't understand. "Oh, let me explain", said the man. "He hit the ball so he ...


1 Comments, 48 Views, 11 Votes ,1.86 Score
KarenMe 61 F
1  Article
Blonde At Work   9/26/2004

A curvy blonde went door-to-door, looking for work to earn some extra money. One man answered her knock and she explained she was looking for anything he could give her. He said "I'll give you $50 to paint my porch." She said "I can do that!" <br> He gave her a can of grey paint & brush, and pointed to the yard. "It's in the back!". <br> 6 hours later, the blonde ...


2 Comments, 84 Views, 18 Votes ,5.17 Score
Sandra_LM 60 F
7  Articles
Lets lighten up with some humour!!!!!!   9/19/2004

There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer's research. <br> This means that by 2020, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.


1 Comments, 58 Views, 9 Votes ,5.35 Score
nemo51 72 F
7  Articles
Just a joke!   9/9/2004

Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City. <br> The Brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus. The Blonde team rides on the top level. <br> The Brunette team down below is whooping it up having a great time, when one of them realizes she doesn't hear anything from ...


2 Comments, 78 Views, 17 Votes ,5.11 Score
nemo51 72 F
7  Articles
Great to be a woman!   9/8/2004

It is good to be a woman: 1. We got off the Titanic first. 2. We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses. 3. Taxis stop for us. 4. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing. 5. No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival the Speedo. 6. We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves. 7. If we forget to shave, no one has to know. 8. ...


2 Comments, 52 Views, 14 Votes ,3.78 Score
Still57AndFine 71 M
15  Articles
Men and women   9/8/2004

When you were a you were really cute. When you were in your twenties I was discovering what you were about. When you were in your thirties I learned what it was like to be ignored because of chidren. When you were in your forties you were leaving me and taking my money. When you were in your fifties you were discovering a new independence. Now that your in your sixties you can sometimes ...


1 Comments, 40 Views, 12 Votes
RedheadedAngel4u 63 F
14  Articles
Everyone is looking...where do I go to find him/her...imagine this....   9/7/2004

So, everyone has an answer…Where you can meet someone that is…..Now, I never said they had the right answers. Obviously one would think of the natural places. Places which everyone must visit if even for an occasion… <br> I speak directly of the grocery store…Some stores even cater to singles in their area. I am familiar with one such store that held a ...


1 Comments, 56 Views, 12 Votes ,3.68 Score
RedheadedAngel4u 63 F
14  Articles
Shopping for what???????? yikes!   9/7/2004

one would think of the naSo, everyone has an answer…Where you can meet someone that is…..Now, I never said they had the right answers. Obviouslytural places. Places which everyone must visit if even for an occasion… <br> I speak directly of the grocery store…Some stores even cater to singles in their area. I am familiar with one such store that held a ...


1 Comments, 41 Views, 7 Votes ,2.79 Score
rickyspin 69 M
4  Articles
ON LINE CHATROOM CREATIVE WRITING CONTEST   9/1/2004

Hello everybody. My handle is Ricky Spin. I am a trying to organize an Online Chatroom Creative Writing Contest. I have n ot set the time or room yet as I thought it would be cool to accomodiate as many as I could after I get some responses. <br> The required style will romance. AS in romance novel and true love magazine. (This is about relationships) <br> The theme ...


0 Comments, 40 Views, 18 Votes
nemo51 72 F
7  Articles
You're Out!   8/28/2004

Three Ladies at the Game This is a detective story so pay close attention!!! <br> Three elderly ladies are excited about seeing their first Cubs <br> baseball game. They smuggle a bottle of Jack Daniel's into the ballpark. The <br> game is real exciting and they are enjoying themselves immensely mixing the <br> Jack Daniel's with soft drinks. Soon ...


2 Comments, 67 Views, 89 Votes ,6.93 Score
yankeeprincess 70 F
2  Articles
My Relationship is not working...with my computer..   8/24/2004

Dear Yankee Princess, <br> This correspondence is in response to your fervent prayers of last week. We do want you to know that all were received, heard, discussed, and reviewed. Heaven is sympathetic to your demise, regarding your hard drive and tower. We also appreciate your initiative to solve this earthly problem on your own. God does appreciate those who help ...


1 Comments, 68 Views, 42 Votes ,6.70 Score
leftbehind 66 F
5  Articles
She was so blonde..........   8/17/2004

...she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate". <br> ...she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind. <br> ...she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK". <br> ...she thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday. <br> ...she tried to put M&M's in ...


1 Comments, 53 Views, 33 Votes ,4.34 Score
nemo51 72 F
7  Articles
Dress rules for the over 50 crowd   8/15/2004

Despite what you may have seen on the streets, the following combinations DO NOT go together and should be avoided. <br> 1. A nose ring and bifocals. <br> 2. Spiked hair and bald spots. <br> 3. A pierced tongue and dentures. <br> 4. Miniskirts and support hose. <br> 5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads. <br> 6. Speedos and ...


2 Comments, 97 Views, 127 Votes ,7.71 Score
wooer 79 M
8  Articles
reply to YOUNGER GUYS WANT OLDER WOMEN   8/15/2004

Buddy I agree with you, but you have some terrible mispellings. To make yourself more attractive to old ladies here, you had better polish your humor a little bit. If you only want old women, don't bother. LOL


1 Comments, 86 Views, 27 Votes ,3.56 Score
leftbehind 66 F
5  Articles
DRINKS OR ???????   8/15/2004

A BAPTIST WAS SEATED NEXT TO A MARINE ON A FLIGHT TO MEMPHIS, TENNESSEE. <br> AFTER THE PLANE WAS AIRBORNE, DRINK ORDERS WERE TAKEN. THE MARINE ASKED FOR A SCOTCH AND SODA, WHICH WAS BROUGHT AND PLACED BEFORE HIM. <br> THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT THEN ASKED THE MINISTER IF HE WOULD LIKE A DRINK. <br> HE REPLIED IN DISGUST, "I'D RATHER BE SAVAGELY BY BRAZEN ...


1 Comments, 74 Views, 31 Votes ,8.13 Score
wooer 79 M
8  Articles
Female at different ages   8/8/2004

What s the difference between female at the ages of 8, 18, 28, 38, 48 and 58? <br> 08 - You take her to bed and tell her a story. <br> 18 - You tell her a story and take her to bed. <br> 28 - You don t need to tell her any story and take her to bed. <br> 38 - She tells you a story and takes you to bed. <br> 48 - You ...


1 Comments, 73 Views, 33 Votes ,6.08 Score
DizneyFan 68 F
2  Articles
Words Women Use   7/28/2004

FINE <br> This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up. <br> FIVE MINUTES <br> If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house. <br> NOTHING <br> This is the calm ...


1 Comments, 52 Views, 25 Votes ,5.90 Score
bklynblueeyes19 73 F
31  Articles
Bra Shopping   7/27/2004

A woman who is having her first date with a man she met on SFF decides she would like to buy some dainty lingerie. She goes into Victoria's Secret and is a bit perplexed since it's been quite awhile since her last puchase of this type of flimsy garments. Upon approaching the salesperson, she is asked what size she needs. In a loud, clear voice she responds - 40 long. Gravity does have ...


1 Comments, 77 Views, 20 Votes ,4.40 Score
ddonaldd 73 M
9  Articles
D Sharp Cup   7/15/2004

First of all I didn't mean to start a fight or offend anyone in my comment that most men prefer B cups over D cups. Notice I avoided C cups which I and I think most men and hollywood believe is the optimum. I suppose saying B cups are preferable to D cups may offend those women with D cups, especially if they have bought them. But I was merely trying to make what I believed to be a ...


1 Comments, 149 Views, 41 Votes
ddonaldd 73 M
9  Articles
Jewish Fly Question   7/12/2004

Okay, she rubbed his kneww! Was that supposed to be knee or is this a reference to what he knew, in the biblical sense?


0 Comments, 53 Views, 80 Votes
marilynwp 78 F
6  Articles
Elderly Meal!   7/11/2004

A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at McDonald's. He noticed that they had ordered one meal, and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries, one for him, one for her, until each had half of them. Then he poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup and set that in front of his wife. ...


1 Comments, 68 Views, 99 Votes
starbux2000 68 M
1  Article
More Irish Drinking.......   6/10/2004

Mick and Paddy were coming out of the pub after the usual night of heavy drinking - only this night they are later than usual. <br> "Beejeezez!" says Mick, "All the buses are finished. Oy, Paddy, we'll have to walk home." <br> So, off they set. It's not long before they come upon the bus depot, all quiet and shrouded in darkness. Mick suddenly says, "Oy, Paddy.... ...


1 Comments, 86 Views, 18 Votes ,5.58 Score
Mich 69 F
1  Article
Why all the questions ?   6/1/2004

It is your first 'date', your first look at each other. He/she wants to know all about you, some of the questions are irrelevant, some of the questions are rude, some of the questions are out of place in the first date timing. You are listening, more than he/she. The time spent is too long, you want to flee, boredom sets in, you know that there is no connection, that you dont want to see ...


1 Comments, 86 Views, 16 Votes ,2.10 Score
wooer 79 M
8  Articles
Tear of Mosquito   5/24/2004

Dusk pulled darkness over the heaven eventually. Birds, worms, and insects sing and dance in the bush and grass, just like a party. <br> There are two mosquitoes resting on a leaf of grass. <br> The male mosquito took a sip of grass juice, and elbowed the female one who was in bad temper and stood like dead, he said, "darling, please take a sip, you have rejected ...


1 Comments, 95 Views, 127 Votes
butterflypurple 62 F
1  Article
wanna be whoppers!!!!???   5/13/2004

why does it not surprise me that when some wanna be stud comes into chat and brahs about him self =you know the i am 6ft something, has a 6 pack figure and was at the head of the line when the the FAMILEY JEWELS were being handed out?? well guys if you are all that, then tell me this where did it get you in your past life hu?if you have all that then good on you , enjoy , but if you are ...


1 Comments, 132 Views, 48 Votes ,3.23 Score
reflectionsofOz 77 F
2  Articles
Vaseline   5/6/2004

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there the husband tells his wife:" Listen, this guys an ...


1 Comments, 114 Views, 84 Votes ,3.62 Score
marilynwp 78 F
6  Articles
Apples   5/3/2004

Subject: Apples <br> Women are like apples on trees: the best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy....... So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, ...


1 Comments, 107 Views, 263 Votes ,7.48 Score
tigergin60 72 F
7  Articles
good luck   4/12/2004

If a man who can not count finds a four leaf clover, is he entitled to good luck?


2 Comments, 123 Views, 145 Votes
tigergin60 72 F
7  Articles
Buckets and Saucers   4/12/2004

A man doing a study on contrceptives and birth control was canvassing a neighborhood. At one house he met a very tall young lady who said she had been married for 10 years and hadn't gotten pregnant yet. He asked if she used a method of birth control and she said"Why of course! I use the "bucket and saucer" method. The man was taken aback and said he had never heard of this method and ...


1 Comments, 128 Views, 27 Votes ,1.56 Score
tigergin60 72 F
7  Articles
Size does matter   3/5/2004

A male friend was tellinhg me of his predicament when he started a new relationship with a woman after the death of his wife. They made plans to spend the night together and at first he was baffled when she told him that he had better stop by the drug store on his way over. then he realized she wanted him to buy condoms. Embarrassed, he hurried in grabbed the first ones he saw and felt ...


1 Comments, 181 Views, 90 Votes
buttrfly 67 F
3  Articles
The twelve cats of Christmas   12/17/2003

THE TWELVE CATS OF CHRISTMAS <br> <br> The Twelve Cats of Christmas On the first day of Christmas when I brought home my tree My 12 cats were laughing at me. <br> On the second day of Christmas I saw beneath my tree 2 mangled garlands and my 12 cats laughing at me. <br> On the third day of Christmas I saw beneath my tree 3 missing Wise Men ...


1 Comments, 418 Views, 129 Votes ,3.46 Score
buttrfly 67 F
3  Articles
Christmas with Louise   12/17/2003

As a joke, my brother used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them. What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true because every Christmas morning, although Jay's ' stockings were overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty. <br> One year I decided to make his dream come ...


1 Comments, 377 Views, 130 Votes ,4.94 Score
Cleodog101 109 M
8  Articles
It All Adds Up...   12/5/2003

On the first day God created the cow. God said, "You must go to the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer I will give you a life span of sixty years." The cow said, "That's a kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. Let me have twenty years and I'll give back the other ...


3 Comments, 2073 Views, 752 Votes ,7.53 Score
Cleodog101 109 M
8  Articles
Chivalry Never Dies...   12/5/2003

An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife felt romantic and wanted to talk. "You use to hold my hand when we were courting, " said the wife. Wearily, the husband reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep. A few moments later she said "Then you used ...


3 Comments, 2778 Views, 525 Votes ,6.61 Score
Cleodog101 109 M
8  Articles
The Agony and the Ecstasy   12/5/2003

Three guys die together and go to heaven. St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here: Don't step on the ducks, as they are God's favorite creation." They enter heaven and see ducks everywhere, and it's almost impossible NOT to step on a duck. The first guy accidentally steps on one, and soon here comes St. Peter with the ugliest woman you've ever seen. St. Peter chains ...


1 Comments, 1841 Views, 1107 Votes ,7.73 Score
Cleodog101 109 M
8  Articles
There's a Limit to Everything.   12/5/2003

An elderly woman accompanied her even more elderly husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die: <br> "Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant; make sure he ...


1 Comments, 1199 Views, 741 Votes ,7.04 Score
Cleodog101 109 M
8  Articles
Ted's Dead   12/5/2003

Two elderly women meet at the launderette after not seeing one another for some time. After inquiring about each other’s health, one asked how the other’s husband was doing. <br> <br> “Oh! Ted died last week. He went out to the garden to dig up a cabbage for dinner, had a heart attack, and dropped down dead right there in the middle of the vegetable ...


1 Comments, 468 Views, 250 Votes ,0.20 Score
Cleodog101 109 M
8  Articles
Another Irish Drinking Joke!   12/5/2003

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three <br> pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender asks him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time." The Irishman replies, ...


2 Comments, 2810 Views, 749 Votes ,6.63 Score
Cleodog101 109 M
8  Articles
Elephant Joke   11/19/2003

Why do elephants drink? <br> To forget.


1 Comments, 101 Views, 233 Votes
Cleodog101 109 M
8  Articles
Need a Job? Try the Grand Canyon.   11/19/2003

I worked as a seasonal employee at the Grand Canyon, and I'm here to tell you that if you're breathing (or even if you're not), you can get hired there. I once saw a convicted carjacker hired as a tourbus driver... nobody had even read his resume. Or maybe they did, and though his skill base might come in handy at some point. <br> Intelligence is likewise not a prerequisite. ...


1 Comments, 201 Views, 237 Votes