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New Living Will Form 6/29/2008
New Living Will Form
I, __________________________, being of sound mind and
body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial
means. Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the
hands of pinhead partisan politicians who couldn't
pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it
or lawyers/doctors/hospitals interested in simply running
up ...
0 Comments, 20 Views,
3 Votes
,2.94 Score
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DRINK, STEAL, SWEAR & LIE 6/26/2008
DRINK, STEAL, SWEAR & LIE
I met this guy awhile ago, and he has A motto he lives by everyday. He said listen carefully and
Live by these 4 rules : Drink, Steal, Swear, & Lie.
I was shaking my head 'No, but he then told me to listen
While he explained his four rules. So here they are :
1. DRINK from the 'springs of living water' every
day.
2. STEAL a ...
0 Comments, 21 Views,
4 Votes
,5.19 Score
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Touring Toronto 6/24/2008
Siamese twins walk into a pub in Toronto and park themselves
on a bar stool.
One of them says to the bartender, 'Don't mind
us, we're joined at the hip. I'm John, he's Jim. Two Molson Canadian beers
please'.
The bartender, feeling slightly awkward, tries to make
polite conversation while pouring the beers. 'Been on holiday
yet, lads?'
'Off to England next month, ' ...
0 Comments, 15 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
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Need to hunt 6/22/2008
A doctor in Duluth, Minnesota wanted to get off work and
go hunting so he approached his assistant.
'Ole, I am goin' huntin' tomorrow and don't
want to close the clinic.'
'I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of
all my patients.'
'Yes, sir!' answers Ole.
The doctor goes hunting and returns the following day and
asks: 'So, Ole, how was your day?' ...
0 Comments, 18 Views,
2 Votes
,4.50 Score
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Retired project 6/18/2008
I've often been asked, 'What do you people do now that you're retired?'
Well, I have a friend who has a chemistry background and
one of the things we enjoy most is turning beer, bourbon,
scotch, gin, vodka, and wine into urine.
And, by golly, we're pretty damn good at it!!
0 Comments, 18 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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Chicken crossed the road 6/14/2008
Why did the chicken cross the road?
BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE!
The chicken wanted CHANGE!
JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized
the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all
the chickens on the other side of the road.
HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First ...
0 Comments, 20 Views,
3 Votes
,5.39 Score
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Old Fairy Tale Revisited 5/6/2008
One day, long, long ago....... there lived a woman who did not whine, nag or bitch.
But this was a long time ago.......
and it was just that one day.
The End
2 Comments, 25 Views,
3 Votes
,1.47 Score
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A wee bit about me 4/19/2008
^I`m 6ft 1 tall weigh around 88 kg, full head of white hair,
attend gym around 3 times a week, -------not a fitness freak-----and
live alone. Looking for a mate with keen sense of humor, ---
and not too narrow minded, though possessing qualities
we dont see in this day and age. Easy going guy , so if you are
serious, ------ contact me. Regardz Smithy40.
1 Comments, 40 Views,
3 Votes
,0.98 Score
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A wee bit about me 4/19/2008
^I`m 6ft 1 tall weigh around 88 kg, full head of white hair,
attend gym around 3 times a week, -------not a fitness freak-----and
live alone. Looking for a mate with keen sense of humor, ---
and not too narrow minded, though possessing qualities
we dont see in this day and age. Easy going guy , so if you are
serious, ------ contact me. Regardz Smithy40.
0 Comments, 23 Views,
4 Votes
,1.69 Score
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Boudreaux N Thibodeaux 4/12/2008
Reverend Boudreaux was the part-time pastor of the local Cajun Baptist Church, and Pastor Thibodaux was the minister of the Covenant Church across the road. They were both standing by the road, pounding a sign into the ground, that read: *'Da End is Near! Turn You self Around Now! Before It's Too Late!'*
As a car sped past them, the driver leaned out his window and yelled, 'You religious ...
1 Comments, 30 Views,
4 Votes
,3.63 Score
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SENIOR TRAVELERS 3/27/2008
A travel agent looked up from his desk to see an old lady and
an old gentleman peering in the shop window at the posters
showing the glamorous Destinations around the world.
The agent had had a good week and the dejected couple looking
in the window gave him a rare feeling of generosity. He called
them into his shop: 'I know that on your pension you
could never hope to ...
0 Comments, 38 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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This is funny 3/21/2008
1. Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and invite everyone
to the wedding. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception
was excellent.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry,
we don't serve extension cords in here." The
jumper cable says, "Hey, I'm not an extension
cord, I'm a jumper cable!" The bartender says,
"OK, I'll serve you, but don't start ...
0 Comments, 26 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
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Response 3/9/2008
A couple made a deal that who ever died first would come back
and inform the other of the afterlife. Their biggest fear was that
there was no afterlife.
After a long life together, the husband was the first to
die. True to his word he made contact. "Connie....Connie."
"Is that you, Joe?"
"Yes, I've come back like we agreed." "That's
wonderful! What's it like?"
...
0 Comments, 35 Views,
2 Votes
,4.50 Score
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BIRTHDAY REMINDER 3/6/2008
----- BIRTHDAY REMINDER
This week we celebrate a special birthday. Monica Lewinsky
turned 34.
Can you believe it?! It seems like only yesterday she was
crawling around the White House on her hands and knees,
and putting everything in her mouth.
They grow up so fast, don't they?
0 Comments, 25 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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Having a baby 3/6/2008
OLE 'N LENA HAVE A BABY
Lena is pregnant with Ole's . Late one night,
Lena vakes Ole and says, 'I tink it's time!'
So Ole fired up the Yohn Deere tractor and took her to the
hospital to have their first baby.
She had a little boy, and the doctor looked over at Ole and
said, 'A ! Ain't dat great!' Well, Ole got excited by dis, but yust den the doctor spoke
up and said, Hold on! ...
0 Comments, 34 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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Thoughts 2/28/2008
Thought 1 # When we are born, our mother's get the compliments.
When we are married, our brides get the presents and the
publicity. When we die, our widows get the life insurance.
# Thought 2 # The average man's life consists of: Twenty years of having his mother ask him where he is going,
Forty years of having his wife ask the same question; and at the end, the mourners wondering too. ...
0 Comments, 23 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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$50.00 IS $50.00 2/27/2008
MORRIS AND HIS WIFE, ESTHER WENT TO THE STATE FAIR EVERY
YEAR. EVERY YEAR, MORRIS WOULD SAY, 'ESTHER, I'D LIKE TO RIDE IN
THAT HELICOPTER.' ESTHER ALWAYS REPLIED, 'I KNOW MORRIS, BUT THAT HELICOPTER
RIDE IS 50 DOLLARS AND 50 DOLLARS IS 50 DOLLARS.'
FEW YEARS LATER, ESTHER AND MORRIS WENT TO THE FAIR. MORRIS
SAID, 'ESTHER, I'M 85 YEARS OLD. IF I DON'T RIDE THATÂ HELICOPTER
NOW, I MIGHT ...
0 Comments, 27 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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From the farm pond 2/25/2008
An Amish farmer, walking through his field, notices a man
kneeling down and drinking from his farm pond. The Amish farmer shouts: "Trink das wasser nicht.
Die kuhen haben dahin gesheissen."
(Which means: "Don't drink the water, the cows
have crapped in it") The kneeling man shouts back: "I'm a Muslim,
I don't understand you. I speak Arabic and English.
If you can't speak in the ...
0 Comments, 27 Views,
3 Votes
,5.39 Score
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Sally with a smile 2/10/2008
Little Sally came home from school and with a smile on her
face and told her mother, 'Frankie Brown showed me his weenie today!'
Before the mother could raise a concern, Sally went on to
say, 'It reminded me of a peanut.'
Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's Mom asked, 'Really
small, was it?'
Sally replied, 'No... salty!'
Mom fainted
0 Comments, 44 Views,
5 Votes
,4.77 Score
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THE PSYCHIATRIST AND THE PROCTOLOGIST 2/3/2008
THE PSYCHIATRIST AND THE PROCTOLOGIST
Two doctors opened an office in a small town and put up a sign reading:
"Dr Smith and Dr. Jones, "Hysterias and Posteriors."
The town council was not happy with the sign, so the doctors changed it to read, "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids."
This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy
the council, they changed the ...
0 Comments, 31 Views,
2 Votes
,4.50 Score
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Car Trouble 1/30/2008
A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery.
He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, My
car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?
The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even
fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange
sound; a sound like no other that he has ever heard. The next
morning, he asks the monks ...
0 Comments, 53 Views,
5 Votes
,4.12 Score
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Two old guys 1/20/2008
Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual
park
bench one morning.
The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't
even
short of breath. The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's
stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.
The 87 year old said "Well, I eat Jewish rye bread every
day. It
keeps your ...
0 Comments, 42 Views,
7 Votes
,3.30 Score
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Religious Differences 1/19/2008
A little boy was walking down a dirt road after church one
Sunday afternoon when he came to a crossroads where he met a little girl coming
from the other direction.
'Hello', said the little boy
'Hi, ' replied the little girl.
'Where are you going?' asked the little boy.
'I've been to church this morning and I'm
on my way ...
0 Comments, 32 Views,
4 Votes
,5.19 Score
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Why I Hate Ironing 1/16/2008
A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The
doctor asked her what had happened to her ears. She answered,
" I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang, but instead
of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron
and stuck it to my ear."
"Oh dear!" The dod tor exclaimed in disbelief,
"But, what happened to your other ear?"
"The jerk called back!"...
0 Comments, 42 Views,
7 Votes
,4.31 Score
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Not a single 1/6/2008
A father, who worked away from home all week, always made
a special effort with his family on the weekends. Every Sunday morning he
would take his 7-year old out for a drive in the car for some bonding
time. One particular Sunday however, he had a bad cold and he really
didn't feel like being up at all. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue
and said that she would take their out. When they ...
0 Comments, 38 Views,
5 Votes
,3.47 Score
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52 years ago! 12/20/2007
>>>>> Comments made in the year 1955!
>>>>> That's only 52 years ago! > > >>>>> 'I'll tell you one thing,
if things keep going the way they are, it's >>>>> going to be impossible to buy a week's
groceries for $20.00.' > >>>>> 'Have you seen the new cars
coming out next year? It won't be long >>>>> before $2, 000.00 will only buy
a used one.' > >>>>> 'If cigarettes keep going
up in price, I'm ...
0 Comments, 31 Views,
2 Votes
,4.50 Score
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Need a good laugh 12/17/2007
If you need a good laugh, try reading through these 's
science exam answers
Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made
safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes
large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines ...
0 Comments, 48 Views,
8 Votes
,5.56 Score
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Memories of My Ex 12/9/2007
Isn't it funny the things you remember about your marriage?
After sweating through the stress of divorce and coming
to grips with the fact that we both had something to do with
why the marriage did not last, I find myself remembering,
above all else, his funny quips.
Example: We are getting ready to go out. I say, "What am I going to do with my hair?" His
response, "Have you tried fire?" ...
0 Comments, 86 Views,
6 Votes
,3.93 Score
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THE HAIRDRYER MAKES IT THROUGH CUSTOMS 11/29/2007
A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked
the Priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"
"Of course my . What may I do for you?"
"Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic
hair dryer for my mother's birthday that is unopened
and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll
confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for ...
0 Comments, 49 Views,
5 Votes
,5.10 Score
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A simple question,please....? 11/18/2007
Hello all friends...(Mainly the sweeties women lolll...,
but handshake for men...). A simple question about frienship beetween a woman (or
women, indeed) and a frenchie(froggie...lol) man...:
Is it impossible, or forbidden...? Why is it so difficult to have any "friend contact"
and not particularly "love" (why not, but i
think time is useful for making acquaintance, no...?).
Are all women afraid ...
0 Comments, 38 Views,
2 Votes
,1.73 Score
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